15 Ways to Calm During Your Special Needs Child’s Emergency

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When a Flight We Knew by Heart Turned into a Day We’ll Never Forget

My daughter needed to be at the Children’s hospital 11 hours away – Wings of Mercy to the rescue. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe, despite being on oxygen. I asked to pilot, Jeff, to stop descending. He did, but calmly let me know how much fuel we had left. This is one instance where I learned 15 ways to calm during your special needs child’s emergency. We were in a dance of lurking dangers of running out of oxygen or running out of fuel. Jeff and I were doing mental calculations to figure out how many feet per minute we can try for a more gentle descent…which decision is the right one? What should I choose?

It Started out as a Routine Day (for us)

We were on our way to Mott Children’s to talk to Reilly’s surgeon about redoing her Nissen Fundoplication surgery because her reflux was once again so severe that it was scarring her lungs, which were already damaged from being born 13 weeks early. We were excited that the pilot was one we knew well and always enjoyed flying with. I truly believe that we were put together that day for a reason. Over the years, Reilly and I ended up taking 42 Wings of Mercy flights, so packing, going up to the airport, flying in 4-6 seater planes, and chatting with air traffic control was all “normal” to us.

Reilly would put her oxygen on, snuggle into her seat and play her game boy. She usually tolerated the altitude changes relatively well, but she had recently had pneumonia. Our pilot, Jeff, worked with me, and between us, neither of us lost our cool despite knowing we were running out of gas and Reilly was running out of oxygen. He trusted my call as a pediatric RN – and mom. I trusted his decision as the one flying the plane.

Soon after we arrived at our destination and we scheduled my daughter’s Nissen Fundoplication surgery for 6 weeks later, due to her lungs not having enough reserve to handle surgery, I received the most heartwarming letter from Jeff, which included his written account of the events of that day. He asked for permission to publish it – of course, I agreed. I’m still moved by his words – each time I get misty-eyed as I recount this story – and humbled by how compassionately he handled such a difficult situation. The following is his account, followed by tips to help other parents get through tough situations like this.

Smiley Reilly Suddenly Not So Smiley

Written account by Jeff Ostrander

It is a brisk fall morning and Clipper winds are fairly howling out of the West as we descend over Lake Michigan, angling Northwest toward the boundary of Wisconsin and Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. We find Reilly and her mom, Lori, in the terminal lobby, ready to go. 

Reilly is a cute 9-year-old, slender with long brown hair and a pink GameBoy, unremarkable except for the little cart of oxygen that she tows casually behind. A long, clear tube that supplies her mask is looped expertly over human limbs and the cart’s metal frame in a complicated pattern probably developed over years of experience. She makes eye contact with her mother and no one else. She is not unfriendly, but seems to conserve her focus … for what, I wonder?

Today Reilly is on her way to a hospital where doctors are fighting the disease which steals her breath and tries to steal her life. The airplane’s cabin is comfortable, but Lori drapes a warm blanket over Reilly’s shoulders. The GameBoy blinks, the headset slips on, and Reilly is ready to go.

As we head East along the peninsula and then South over Beaver Island, Bryan asks a few questions about Reilly’s condition. The answers are sobering but Lori speaks in a hopeful tone. There is danger here, but Reilly’s problems seem to be an old and familiar adversary whom Lori refuses to fear.  Reilly pays little attention to the conversation; plays with her game and curls up under the blanket.

She reminds me a little of my youngest daughter and I think that, in Lori’s place, I might not be so brave. I keep thinking of the pink GameBoy, the warm blanket, the sweet, safe harbor we try to build for our children, insulating them from the dark voids and sharp edges of this world. But this privilege so common to parents — to seem a benevolent and near-omnipotent giant, powerful to protect and please our children — has not been offered to Lori. 

This mother-protector has learned to pick her battles against the intruder that stalks her daughter. She has learned to be calm while her heart races. She has learned to be wise, as a doctor is wise, about the mechanics of Reilly’s body, to acquire new weapons to use in her daughter’s defense. 

But she cannot keep the intruder out; cannot absorb or obstruct or prevent its attack. Lori does much to provide for Reilly, but she cannot breathe for her. There is no safe harbor for this child; only the eye of a dangerous storm.

The trip is not long and we are soon within thirty minutes of our destination. Our request for an early and more gradual descent is held up due to other traffic in the area and so we slow the airplane and, eventually, are cleared to start down.

Within a minute of beginning our descent, Lori sounds the alarm. The intruder has slipped into our little airplane, and he is suffocating Reilly. The atmospheric pressure in the cabin has increased slightly as we have moved these few hundred feet closer to earth, and Reilly’s fragile lungs are not adjusting.

She gasps as though underwater – finds no relief. Her lungs flail, confused, her blood grows dim. Her brain loses its grip and she sinks into darkness. Her heart is next; pleading for oxygen, it weakens and slows.

Lori quickly rechecks the mask, increases the oxygen flow, slips her hand again under the blanket, and takes Reilly’s wrist, fingertips poised lightly counting. Her lips compress.  Reilly’s face is turning blue. 

As Reilly struggles, we slow our rate of descent from four hundred feet per minute to two hundred … to one hundred, and then to zero. Several minutes pass without improvement. In the cockpit, we recalculate fuel reserves and in the cabin, Lori checks the meter on Reilly’s tank. We are burning through finite supplies of fuel and oxygen, and time.

Bryan, more experienced than I, seems calm. I seem calm, too, I suppose, but am not. There is a little girl drowning not six feet away from me, so like my own little girl, and we are trapped, hovering like a sparrow over the wide ocean, unable to land. 

We cannot stay up. We cannot go down, or not much. The eye of this storm is moving and we try to move with it. We orbit Saginaw, shaving away thin layers of space from the mile and a half that separates us from the earth, and help. 

Lori, with much of her world at stake, must choose. The mother’s tender heart, which writhes in anguish over this threat to her child, or the mother’s trained mind which has learned how to help, how to set aside all that is not needed in this moment. For the hundredth time, she makes that choice. She watches her daughter’s battle, measures Reilly’s strength, prays, and tucks the blanket a little closer around her little shoulders.

After twenty minutes Reilly’s heart has fought back some and we turn in toward the airport. She still sleeps but has survived. Lori, who continues to monitor pulse and respiration, never raised her voice. The drama here is quiet and familiar. A breath of fresh air is exceptional in Reilly’s world; drowning is the rule.

We land and at some point during our taxi to the FBO, Reilly wakes up. We hear the sound of Lori’s calm and comforting voice welcoming her to consciousness as any mother might on the morning of any day. It is an everyday voice without fear, the voice of a benevolent giant who makes the world seem safe, with a safety that Reilly’s intruder cannot violate.

Lori’s love for Reilly does not prevent the attack, it transcends it.

We are back in Saginaw the following week to take Lori and Reilly home. Not long after we walk into the terminal a call comes in; the hospital has decided that Reilly is not yet strong enough for the flight.

Someone else took Reilly home the following week. I have not seen her since, though I pray for her when I tuck my own little girl into bed at night. It is Christmas time now and I think how blessed I am to have this child and blessed that so much of what she needs is in my power to give. And I wonder how it is for Lori and her husband, tucking a child into bed who needs what only God can give.

Not so different, perhaps. Lori has reminded me of what our children need from us. Not just things, which come and go, but something that will never leave them. Not a safety that keeps them from suffering but one that will carry them through it. 

The gift our children need is peace, the knowledge that we are safe because we are loved with a love that is stronger and deeper and truer than the world, a gift we can only give if we have received it ourselves.

I watched Lori give this gift and saw reflected in her a still taller giant, who with faithful love and through great suffering became our peace, our Prince of Peace. 

How Did You Stay Calm When Your Daughter Was Struggling?

I’m sure I don’t need to explain how panicked I felt when I watched my child struggling, but somehow I managed to remain calm and collected. My years of experience as a pediatric nurse certainly helped, since they had trained me to stay professional regardless of the situation. Despite that, however, fear did take control off and on during this ordeal. Even though the availability of fuel and oxygen wasn’t entirely certain during the event, it was still absolutely terrifying; I kept having thoughts that we wouldn’t be able to prevent a much worse outcome for my child. What’s more, being a special needs parent often requires these kinds of situations – far more than any parent should ever have to experience.

“Not a Safety That Keeps Them From Suffering but One That Will Carry Them Through It“

Jeff said “Lori has reminded me of what our children need from us. Now just things, which come and go, but something that will never leave them. Not a safety that keeps them from suffering but one that will carry them through it”.

It is so important to give our children the sense of safety that Jeff talks about because providing it not only allows them to grow and thrive, but also helps prepare them for life’s challenges. In today’s world, it is easy for kids to become overwhelmed by fear and anxiety, making it difficult to move forward. By supporting our children with a secure foundation we can teach them valuable tools to help them navigate their lives with greater confidence, allowing them to face whatever comes their way. It doesn’t mean sheltering our kids from ever encountering adversity; rather it means equipping them with the right psychological tools so they gain the resilience to handle tough situations. After all, dealing with life’s obstacles is a part of growing up and if we equip our kids with this foundation they will have the courage they need to excel in life.

How to Stay Calm for Your Child in an Emergency

An emergency is an unnerving experience for any parent, let alone their child. It is natural to feel overwhelmed and scared during a moment of crisis, but maintaining a calm presence can help reassure your child that everything will be alright. Take a few deep breaths to ground yourself and try not to project any negative energy into the immediate surroundings. Talk to your child in a soothing voice and explain the situation with clarity and brevity. If you have an action plan prepared, it can be beneficial to explain it to your child step-by-step so they understand what needs to happen next. The most important thing is for them to know that you are in control and doing your best for the situation – give reassurances that if this occurs again, you will be there for them.

Tips and Tricks for Parents to Stay Calm During Your Special Needs Child’s Emergency

Parenting a special needs child can be challenging at times, especially when they experience unexpected emergencies. It’s important to ensure both your children and yourself feel safe and comfortable during this time. Here are 10 tips and tricks for parents to stay calm in an emergency:

1. Take a few deep breaths as this will help your body relax.
2. Think positively and focus on the solution.
3. Communicate with the medical staff involved to better understand the situation.
4. Speak calmly in front of your child so as not to alarm them.
5. Seek immediate help from other family members or friends if available.
6. Avoid making quick decisions on the spot but instead, take some time by yourself to process what is unfolding.
7. Keep grounded by asking yourself questions like ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ or ‘What’s the best way for me to handle this now?’
8. Consider mindful activities.
9. Make reminders that you can go back to if needed such as a printed affirmation board or recorded podcasts detailing calming techniques.
10. Avoid getting angry or stressing out your child.
11. Do not panic when faced with an unfamiliar situation.
12. Think ahead and plan what you would do in different scenarios.
13. Don’t hesitate to use humor.
14. Focus on celebrating victories throughout the journey which will motivate you moving forward!
15. Step out of the room and cry, scream, or just break down for a few and then carry on being the strong one.

Lastly focusing on taking care of yourself physically is important – good nutrition, regular exercise, and other elements integral to well-being should be top priorities. With these tips in hand, parents should feel confident that they can manage parent panic in any special needs emergency.

What to do Next After Your Child’s Emergency has Passed

After an emergency has passed, both you and your child need to process the events to reduce any lingering trauma. A great way to start is by talking with your child about what happened and how it made them feel. Even if they aren’t ready to have a serious conversation, re-instilling a sense of safety in your child will help them recover. Ask them how they are feeling and validate those emotions – no matter how insignificant they may seem. Activities like drawing or journaling are also helpful. You could brainstorm ideas together or give them a prompt like writing down their favorite memories, or drawing something that will make them feel calm and relaxed. It might take time before they feel comfortable enough to bring up the incident again so make sure to check on them regularly, show your support, and provide lots of different ways for your child works through their emotions after the event has passed.

Will My Child’s Emergency Cause Trauma?

Trauma, especially for young children, can have lasting effects even months after an emergency. Be aware of your child’s behavior, as changes in mood, sleep patterns, and eating habits could be indicators of post-traumatic stress. Children with special needs may be more vulnerable to mental health issues related to the event; parents must pay attention to any signs of distress and intervene as quickly as possible. Proactively developing coping strategies with your child such as breathing exercises or mindfulness activities before a stressful situation can make them better prepared to deal with trauma should an emergency arise. Knowing that you are there with support and care can help lessen their anxiety surrounding the event.

Ways to Promote Your Special Needs Child’s Mental Health 

One of the most important matters any parent of a special needs child should consider is fostering good mental health. Making sure your child has adequate physical and emotional support will greatly bolster their overall feeling of well-being. Practical measures such as:

• Developing a daily schedule
• Engaging in leisure activities
• Maintaining positive relationships with family and friends
• Creating consistent guidelines for behavior and enforcing them fairly
• Providing dietary and exercise options tailored to their individual needs
• Be understanding, and consistent
• Accept them for who they are
• Offer unconditional love

These are effective strategies you can use to promote your special needs child’s mental health. These small steps will have positive benefits that extend far beyond creating a better quality of life-they will provide an increased sense of self and safety for the child which is invaluable.

How Do I Help Prepare My Special Needs Child for Future Emergencies?

Taking care of any child’s safety is a top priority, but it can become even more important when they know they may need special help. Preparing a special needs child for future emergencies should begin by ensuring their medical condition is well-managed and understood. Having an up-to-date list of medications, allergies, special needs, and treatments will be invaluable to have if faced with attending an emergency care facility. It’s also essential for them to be aware of the plan should an emergency arise such as who to call and where to go. Regularly discuss evacuation tips and consider designating someone as the caregiver in case you cannot be present. No one wants something bad to happen, but preparing your special needs child for future emergencies will increase their chances for a safe outcome

What Can I do to be Better Prepared For Emergencies my Special Needs Child May Encounter?

Keeping calm and being prepared for emergencies requires preparation if you have a special needs child. It is important to have an emergency “go bag” packed with essential items in case your family ever has to evacuate quickly. This includes having medical information and supplies, basic toiletries, clothes, water, identification cards, copies of important documents, and cash ready to go when needed. If you are uncertain of where to begin in preparing for unexpected events or how to properly fill your family’s go bag, consider registering for Quick Win Parent’s workshop.

This course covers preparing for problems that may affect families with special needs children, outlining what should be included in their go bag, and discussing strategies families can employ during emergencies or expected exacerbations of medical problems. Prepare yourself now so you can stay calm during an emergency. Reserve your spot now on the Quick Win Parent waiting list and start taking the steps necessary to ensure you are always ready in a crisis!

Does My Special Needs Child Need Professional Help?

As parents of a special needs child, it is important not to underestimate the potential for stressful situations or unknown crises. That is why, if possible, providing your child with professional help can be beneficial in learning the coping skills necessary to face and deal with an unfamiliar and challenging life. Professional counseling or therapy can provide an accepting environment for your child to identify emotions, learn problem-solving strategies and develop the resilience needed to accept their unique life circumstances. Although it may feel overwhelming at first to consider this course of action, embarking on this journey could mean the difference between your child developing healthy habits for life or struggling with potentially more serious issues in the future.

Professional help should be considered a necessity— not just an extra— to ensure your special needs child is equipped with the necessary tools to face any challenge ahead.

Where Can Parents of Special Needs Kids Find More Information and Help?

If you are a parent of special needs children, learning how to handle emergencies may be a priority for you. Fortunately, there are many resources out there that can help! One option is to start with The

• National Alliance for Direct Support Professionals (NADSP) website. It has valuable information on emergency management plans and emergency preparedness kits.
• The Special Education Guide provides tips on special education emergency response. They include useful techniques like video modeling and visual strategies.
• Autism Speaks website has insights into responding to crises related to autism as well as guidance on crisis prevention.
• Council for Exceptional Children’s website has numerous resources such as their “Emergency Management in Schools” guide that parents of special needs children can utilize to become better informed about emergency management strategies.

For more detailed information about being a special needs parent, read Raising A Child With Special Needs and Why Self-Care For Kids Is Important – Inspirational quotes can help.

Books For More Detailed Plans and Resources for Parents of Special Needs Children

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