999 Harry Potter Funny Quotes From The Best Characters
|

999 Harry Potter Funny Quotes From The Best Characters

Spread the Love!

I may earn money or products from the companies mentioned, at no extra cost to you. I only support what I know and love!

Are you ready for Harry Potter Funny Quotes From All The Best Characters? The Harry Potter series is a treasure trove of unforgettable moments and best lines. So, whether you’re reminiscing about your favorite quotes, debating over the best Harry Potter quotes, a single person drinking butterbeer with friends, or simply looking for a bit of magical inspiration, you’ve come to the right place! ⚯ ⏃ ͛ ➒3/4

Let’s celebrate the magic of laughter and the power of memorable quotes and funny moments as we journey through the wizarding world of Harry Potter together. As Dumbledore said: “Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.” 🪄✨

Importance of Humor and Memorable Quotes For Harry Potter Fans

Hey there, fellow wizards and witches! Are you ready to apparate into the magical world of Harry Potter funny quotes? Grab your wands, hop on your brooms, and let’s fly on a journey filled with laughter, mischief, and of course, our favorite quotes from the series!

The story of Harry Potter began with: “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.” – Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. In the enchanting realm of the great hall of Hogwarts and beyond, some lines are more than just words—they’re spells that ignite our imagination, potions that stir our emotions, and charms that bring smiles to our faces.

Table of Contents

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from The Golden Trio

Listen up, mischief-makers and mischief-managed! We’re about to embark on a journey through the hilariously enchanting world of Harry Potter funny quotes, guided by none other than the Golden Trio themselves. Get ready to laugh, chuckle, and maybe even snort a little pumpkin juice out of your nose as we enter into the wit and whimsy of Harry, Ron, and Hermione! So, like Dumbledore said: “Everyone back to their dormitories. Everyone except…you three…”

Harry Potter’s Funny Quotes

Grab your lightning-bolt scar temporary tattoos and dust off your Firebolt, because we’re about to fly Quidditch-style into the delightfully droll world of Harry Potter funny quotes from Harry Potter himself! With Daniel Radcliffe bringing the Boy Who Lived to life, Harry’s quips and comebacks are as legendary as his spell-casting. Whether he’s dealing with troublesome trolls or sassy Slytherins, So, put on your best pair of round glasses and join us for a magical journey through Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the one and only Harry Potter! ⚯ ͛

From the Gryffindor common room to the Forbidden Forest (hopefully not too deep in), we’re apparating headfirst into a cauldron of comedy brewed with the finest ingredients: witty one-liners, magical mishaps, and more giggle potions than you can shake a wand at! You won’t want to miss a single snort-worthy moment from The Choen One. Accio laughter! ✨🧙‍♂️🤣

  • “The poor toilet’s never had anything as horrible as your [Dudley] head down it – it might be sick.” – Harry Potter
  • “I think I can tell who the wrong sort are for myself, thanks.”
  • “I think we’re going to need a new feather over here, professor.”
  • “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
  • “I don’t go looking for trouble…Trouble usually finds me.”
  • Seamus: “What’s that he’s [Moody] drinking, do you suppose?”
    Harry: “I don’t know, but I don’t think it’s pumpkin juice.”
  • “Give it two weeks and Norbert’s going to be as long as your house.”
  • “You’re worth twelve of Malfoy…The Sorting Hat chose you for Gryffindor, didn’t it? And where’s Malfoy? In stinking Slytherin.”
  • “Ugh…Troll bogeys…”
  • “If you’re going to be cursed forever, death’s better, isn’t it?”
  • “Lucky Hermione pays attention in Herbology”
  • “Well done [Dudley]…So you’ve finally learned the days of the week.”
  • “Jiggery pokery!…Hocus pocus…squiggly wiggly…”
  • “I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise, pretending that I don’t exist.”
  • “Not to be rude or anything, but this isn’t a great time for me to have a house-elf in my bedroom.”
  • Dobby: “A house-elf must be set free, sir. And the family will never set Dobby free…Dobby will serve the family until he dies, sir…” Harry: “And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks.”
  • “You can’t have met many decent wizards, then.”
  • “Dobby, put the lamp down. Bad Dobby.”
  • “Ron I should tell you…most Muggles aren’t accustomed to seeing a flying car.”
  • “I think we found the train.”
  • “So a house-elf shows up in my bedroom, we can’t get through the barrier to platform 9 & 3/4…we almost get killed by a tree. Clearly, someone doesn’t want me here this year.”
  • “Answering Lockhart’s fan mail…he’ll be a nightmare…”
  • “Can you taste it if you walk through it?”
  • “D’you want to tell me what’s wrong with stopping a massive snake biting off Justin’s head? What does it matter how I did it as long as Justin doesn’t have to join the Headless Hunt?”
  • “Oh, is that all?…I don’t suppose you’re going to tell me why you wanted me sent home in pieces?” – Harry to Dobby
  • “[Hermione] should be out of Hospital in a few days…when she stops coughing up furballs.”
  • “It’s not possible to live with the Dursleys and not hate them…I’d like to see you try it.”
  • “[Dobby] Just promise never to try and save my life again.”
  • “Proud? Are you crazy? All those times I could’ve died, and I didn’t manage it? [The Dursley’s will] be furious…”
  • “[Ron,]This is called a telephone number…I told your dad how to use a telephone last summer — he’ll know.”
Proud Are you crazy All those times I couldve died and I didnt manage it The Dursleys will be furious. Harry Potter
Proud, Are You Crazy?
  • “Oh, yeah, yeah, I’ve been beaten loads of times.”
  • Stan: “He’s a big supporter of you-know-who. Reckon you’ve heard of him.
    Harry: Yeah, him I’ve heard of.”
  • “Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?”
  • “Yeah…I bet the Dursleys’d be pleased to let me come…especially after what I did to Aunt Marge…”
  • Rita Skeeter: “Congratulations, Harry! I wonder if you could give me a quick word? How you felt facing that dragon? How you feel now, about the fairness of the scoring?”
    Harry: “Yeah, you can have a word. Good-bye.”
  • “How long have you [Dudley] been ‘Big D’…Cool name…But you’ll always be Ickle Diddykins to me.”
  • “Yeah…I bet the Dursleys’d be pleased to let me come…especially after what I did to Aunt Marge…”
  • Uncle Vernon: “Godfather? You haven’t got a godfather!” Harry: “Yes, I have…He was my mum and dad’s best friend. He’s a convicted murderer, but he’s broken out of wizard prison and he’s on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though…keep up with my news…check if I’m happy…”
  • Dumbledore: “Harry, I assume right now you must be wondering why I brought you here. Am I right?” Harry: “Actually sir, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.”
  • “I knew I could do it this time…because I’d already done it…Does that make sense?”
  • “You know your mother, Malfoy…that expression she’s got, like she’s got dung under her nose? Has she always looked like that, or was it just because you were with her?”
  • “I don’t give a damn what your father thinks, Malfoy. He’s vile and cruel, and you’re just pathetic.”
  • “I just want to know what Snape did with his first chance, if he’s on his second one…”
  • “Wow, I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life?”
  • “Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head.”
  • “I’ll go at anyone that calls me a liar.”
  • “If we’re gonna be attacked, it won’t be risk-free.”
  • “This is mad! Who’d want to be taught by me – I’m a nutter, remember?”
  • Cho: “You’re a really good teacher, Harry. I’ve never been able to stun anything before…Mistletoe…” Harry: “It’s probably full of Nargles, though…”
  • Harry: “I just apparated, didn’t I”
    Dumbledore: “Indeed. Quite successfully, too, I might add. Most people vomit the first time.”
    Harry: I can’t imagine why.”
  • “I like a quiet life, you know me.”
  • “The binding is fragile.”
  • “She’s smart, funny, attractive…you know, she’s got nice skin.”
  • “I’ve got a really good feeling that Hagrid’s is the place to be tonight…I know what I’m doing…or…Felix does!”
  • “There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor.”
  • Dumbledore: “Forgive my mawkishness, Harry. I’m an old man.”
    Harry: “You still look the same to me, sir.”
  • “I don’t understand. What part of this isn’t living up to your expectations? Did you think we were gonna be staying in a 5-star hotel, finding a Horcrux every day? Did you think you’d be back with your mum by Christmas?”
  • “Just keep talking about that little ball of light touching your heart and she’ll come around.”
  • “Hermione, When have any of our plans actually worked? We plan, we get there, and all hell breaks loose.”

Well, there you have it, folks! A collection of Harry Potter funny quotes that could even make Severus Snape crack a smile… okay, maybe not, but you get the idea. These moments remind us that magic isn’t just in spells—it’s in laughter too.

So next time you’re having a bad day, just remember: if Neville can lose his toad, trip over his own feet, and still become a hero, you can handle whatever life throws at you. Now go out there and spread some magic (and maybe a few laughs) with your fellow wizards and Muggles. 🤓⚡

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Ron Weasley

Attention all Hogwarts hopefuls and honorary members of the Weasley family—prepare to be whisked away on a whimsical journey through the comedic chaos that is Ron Weasley’s repertoire of rib-tickling remarks! From Quidditch quips to Potions class pratfalls, Ron is the reigning king of comedic timing in the wizarding world! He has some of the best Harry Potter funny quotes (and makes some of the best faces) in the Harry Potter films. 🤮🐌

So grab your Chocolate Frogs and hold onto your broomsticks, because we’re about to navigate the magical maze of Ron’s funniest quotes faster than you can say “bloody hell!” Let’s raise our wands to Harry’s best friend – the ginger-haired genius of Gryffindor – and get ready for a laughter-filled adventure that would make even Fred and George proud! Wingardium Levio-haha! 🚀✨🤣

  • “I think Mom’s got a second cousin who’s an accountant, but we never talk about him.” – Ron Weasley
  • “So it’s true! So do really have the…the…[whispers] scar? [Harry shows him] Wicked!”
  • Harry: [Dumbledore] disappeared!
    Ron: You can’t expect him to hang around all day, can you?”
  • “Sunshine daisies, butter mellow, turn this stupid fat rat yellow!”
  • “Mental, that one [Hermione], I’m telling you.
  • “Up! Up…..up….[SMACK!]…Shut-up, Harry!”
  • Ron: “What do they think they are doing? Keeping a thing like that locked up in a school…”
    Hermione: “You don’t use your eyes, do you?” Didn’t you see what it was standing on?”
    Ron: “I wasn’t looking at its feet! I was a bit preoccupied with its heads…or maybe you didn’t notice…there were three!”
  • “It’s Levi-OH-sah not Levi-oh-SAR! She’s a nightmare, honestly! No wonder she hasn’t got any friends”
  • “I think the Troll’s left the dungeon…”
  • [Club hits the Troll on the head] ” Cool…”
  • Hermione: “That’s totally barbaric!”
    Ron: “That’s Wizard’s Chess.”
  • “I think we’ve had a bad influence on her.”
  • Ron: “Immortal?”
    Hermione: “It means you can’t die.”
    Ron: “I know what it means!”
  • “I tell you, that dragon’s the most horrible animal I’ve ever met, but the way Hagrid goes on about it, you’d think it was a fluffy little bunny rabbit. When it bit me he told me off for frightening it. And when I left, he was singing it a lullaby.”
  • Harry: “I think if [Voldemort] would have had the chance, he would have tried to kill me tonight.” Ron: “And to think I’ve been worrying about my potions final…”
  • “You’re a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant, but scary.”
  • “Anyway, what are you studying for, you already know it all.”
  • Hermione: “I know what this is — it’s Devil’s Snare!” Ron: “Oh, I’m so glad we know what it’s called, that’s a great help…”
  • “Kill us faster? Oh, NOW I can relax!”
  • “HAVE YOU GONE MAD? ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?”
  • “Lucky we didn’t panic”
  • ” As for me – I’ll be a knight”
  • “Yes, Hermione, I think this is going to be EXACTLY like Wizard’s Chess”
  • “Oh, let’s kick her [Mrs. Norris], just this once…”
  • “Yeah, Mum’s always wishing we had a house-elf to do the ironing, but all we’ve got is a lousy old ghoul in the attic and gnomes all over the garden. House-elves come with big old manors and castles and places like that; you wouldn’t catch one in our house…”
  • “Ginny. She’s been talking about you all summer. Bit annoying, really.”
  • “Dad loves muggles. Thinks they’re fascinating.”
  • “Honestly, Professor Snape, I think [the whomping willow] did more damage to us.”
  • Yeah, I’ve seen those things [Muggles] think are gnomes…like fat little Santa Clauses with fishing rods…”
  • “Dad’s gonna kill me.”
Dragon in a bunny costume with a teddy bear near one foot and music notes. Quote: "I tell you, that dragon's the most horrible animal I've ever met, but the way Hagrid goes on about it, you'd think it was a fluffy little bunny rabbit. When it bit me he told me off for frightening it. And when I left, he was singing it a lullaby." - Ron Weasley
Fluffy Little Bunny Dragon
  • “Let’s think. Who do we know who thinks all Muggle-borns are scum?”
  • “That’s what Hermione does. When in doubt, go to the library.”
  • “It can’t hurt if someone throws something at you [Moaning Myrtle]. I mean…it’ll just go right through you!”
  • “That sounds like a cheerful visit. Hello Hagrid, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately?”
  • “You’ll pay for that one, Malfoy. Eat slugs!”
  • “Ugh…Essense of Crabbe.”
  • “Why spiders? Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies’?”
  • [Following the spiders…] “Harry I don’t like this! Harry, I don’t like this at all! Can we go back now?”
  • “Where’s Hermione when we need her?”
  • “Follow the spiders! Follow the spiders! If Hagrid ever gets out of Azkaban, I’ll kill him.”
  • “Uh..erm…ahem…[shakes hands] welcome back, Hermione.”
  • “What’s life without a few dragons?”
  • “Maybe [Tom Riddle] murdered Myrtle; that would’ve done everyone a favor.”
  • “What are you doing Muggle Studies for? You’re Muggle-born! Your mum and dad are Muggles! You already know all about Muggles!”
  • “Yeah, we’ll call you [Sir Cadogan] if we ever need someone mental.”
  • “Do you think Hermione knows the spell for ‘turning back time so I can finish my homework’?”
  • “Do you think we will ever have a quiet year at Hogwarts?”
  • “Er — is this the new stand on elf rights? You’re going to make yourself puke instead?”
  • “You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don’t want to be told?”
  • “What’s up, Malfoy, lost your skis?”
  • “She’s gone mental, Hermione has. Not that she wasn’t always mental…but now it’s out in the open for everyone to see.”
  • “I didn’t mean to open it, Harry. It was badly wrapped. They [Fred & George] made me do it.”
  • “Wild! I can make that old bloke down there pick his nose again…and again…and again…”
  • “There’s no one like Krum…He’s like a bird, the way he rides the wind. He’s more than an athlete. He’s an artist.”
  • “Did I tell you I’ve invented a broomstick that’ll reach Jupiter?”
  • “It would’ve been so easy to push Malfoy off a glacier and make it look like an accident…”
  • “Leave Hermione? Are you mad? We wouldn’t last 2 days without her…don’t tell her I said that…”
  • “I’m telling you, that’s not a normal girl…They don’t make them like that at Hogwarts!”
  • “Yeah, that’s me. Ron Weasley. Harry Potter’s stupid friend.”
Harry, Ron and Ginny flying broomsticks in space from Earth to Jupiter. Harry Potter Funny Quotes "Did I tell you I've invented a broomstick that'll reach Jupiter?" - Ron Weasley
Harry Potter Funny Quotes – Broom to Jupiter
  • “I want to fix that in my memory forever. Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret…”
  • “His [Kreacher] life’s ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque just like his mother…Is that normal, Hermione?”
  • I…must…not…look…like…a…baboon’s…backside…”
  • “One person couldn’t feel all that. They’d explode!”
  • “That was about the dullest speech I’ve ever heard, and I grew up with Percy.”
  • “They didn’t look anything like hats to me, more like woolly bladders.”
  • “You [Grawp] just stay away from her, alright?”
  • “Fred and George tried to get me to make one [Unbreakable Vow] when I was about five. I nearly did, too, I was holding hands with Fred and everything when Dad found us. He went mental…Only time I’ve ever seen Dad as angry as Mum. Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since.”
  • “I like a nice chat before bed but all you do is read that bloody book. It’s like being with Hermione.”
  • “Did you hear what [Hermione] said back at the pub about me and her snogging? As if…”
  • “[Dean] was running hands all over my sister, wasn’t he? Something snaps, and you’ve got to hate him, you know? On principle.”
  • “Hermione’s got nice skin…you know, as skin goes…”
  • “i can’t help it if she’s got her knickers in a twist. What Lav and I have, well…let’s just say there’s no stopping it. It’s chemical. Will it last? Who knows? Point is, I’m a free agent.”
  • “‘Slug Club…It’s pathetic. Well, I hope you enjoy your party. Why don’t you try hooking up with McLaggen, then Slughorn can make you King and Queen Slug…”
  • “All she wants to do is snog me. My lips are getting chapped – LOOK!”
  • “When we come face to face with one down a dark alley we’re going to be having a shufti to see if it’s solid, aren’t we, we’re not going to be asking, ‘Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul’?”
  • “Always the tone of surprise.”
  • “A brutal triple murder by the bridegroom’s mother might put a bit of a damper on the wedding.”
  • “What’s up? If it’s massive spiders again I want breakfast before I…”
  • ““And what in the name of Merlin’’s most baggy Y Fronts was that about?”
  • “I forgot we’ll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.”
  • “Bless him [Kreacher], and when you think I used to fantasize about cutting off his head and sticking it on the wall.”
  • “Oh, my God! What am I going to do? My wife’s all alone downstairs…”
  • “I’ve got to tell you…I’m starting to freak out a bit…”
  • “I’’m starving! All I’’ve had since I bled half to death is a couple of toadstools!”
  • ““That makes me sound a lot cooler than I was.”
  • “Snape’s Headmaster now, so we can’t exactly walk in through the front door.”
  • “Well, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts.”

And that’s a wrap on Ron Weasley’s greatest hits! From his epic one-liners to his accidental moments of wisdom, Ron’s quotes never fail to make us laugh. Who else could turn “bloody hell” into a catchphrase or make eating a sandwich look like a heroic act?

So, next time you’re feeling a bit like a “spare” at the Yule Ball or just need a good chuckle, remember Ron’s timeless advice: “Don’t let the muggles get you down.” Keep that Weasley spirit alive, and don’t forget to share these Harry Potter funny quotes with your fellow Potterheads. After all, life’s a lot easier when you can laugh at it—just ask Ron. 🕷️😱🏃

So, you're gonna suffer, but you're gonna be happy about it
So, you’re gonna suffer, but you’re gonna be happy about it

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Hermione Granger

Attention, all budding witches, wizards, and devoted members of S.P.E.W.—prepare to be charmed by the quick wit and enchanting humor of none other than Hermione Granger! From clever comebacks to magical mishaps, Hermione is the brains behind the laughs in the wizarding world.

So, dust off your spellbooks, grab your time-turners, and get ready to giggle your way through a magical journey filled with Hermione’s Harry Potter funny quotes. Whether she’s outsmarting trolls or schooling Ron on the finer points of wizardry, Hermione’s humor is as spellbinding as her mastery of charms. Get ready to be stupefied—by laughter! 📚🔮✨

  • “Oh, are you doing magic? Let’s see then…” – Hermione Granger
  • “Up! uuuuuupp….up….uuuuuuup…” – Hermione Granger with broomstick
  • “Harry, NO WAY! You heard what Madame Hooch said. Besides, you don’t even know how to fly…what an idiot…”
  • “Neville, I’m really, really sorry about this…Petrificus Totalus.”
  • “Who says the centaurs are right? It sounds like fortune-telling to me.”
  • “You don’t suppose this is going to be like real Wizard’s Chess, do you?
  • “I think I’d better do the actual stealing…You two will be expelled if you get into any more trouble, and I’ve got a clean record. So all you need to do is cause enough mayhem…”
  • “A deathday party? I bet there aren’t many living people who can say they’ve been to one of those — it’ll be fascinating!”
  • “Oh, no, Peeves, don’t tell her what I said, she’ll be really upset…I didn’t mean it, I don’t mind her — er, hello, Myrtle.”
  • “At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent.”
  • “Did you really blow up your aunt, Harry?”
  • “Don’t be silly, Ronald. How could anybody be in 2 classes at once?”
  • “Broaden your minds. Use your inner eye to see the future!”
  • “Twitchy little ferret, aren’t you, Malfoy?”
  • “I mean, it’s sort of exciting, isn’t it, breaking the rules?”
  • Draco: “Boys, I think it’s time we teach Weasle-Bee how to respect his superiors.”
    Hermione: “I hope you don’t mean yourself.”
  • “Just because they’re not very pretty, it doesn’t mean they’re not useful.”
  • “[The Daily Prophet] mentions you a couple of times a week..I’m not talking about big articles. They just slip you in, like you’re a standing joke…It’s quite nasty, actually…”
  • “If some far-fetched story appears they say something like ‘a tale worthy of Harry Potter’ and if anyone has a funny accident or anything it’s ‘let’s hope he hasn’t got a scar on his forehead or we’ll be asked to worship him next —’ ”
  • “At least we know one positive thing that came from today…Cho couldn’t take her eyes off you, could she?”
Just Because You've Got The Emotional Range Of A Teaspoon Doesn't Mean We All Have." - Hermione Granger
Just Because You’ve Got The Emotional Range Of A Teaspoon Doesn’t Mean We All Have.” – Hermione Granger
  • “Well, obviously she’s [Cho] feeling sad about Cedric and confused about liking Harry and guilty about kissing him…conflicted because Umbridge might sack her mum from the Ministry, and frightened of failing her OWL’S because she’s worrying about everything else…”
  • “Just because you’ve got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have.”
  • “And that complete cow Pansy Parkinson…How she got to be a prefect when she’s thicker than a concussed troll…”
  • “Well, it’s an old-fashioned rule…but it says in Hogwarts, A History that the founders thought boys were less trustworthy than girls.”
  • “Well…Look on the bright side — at least now you’ll have time to do Snape’s essay!”
  • “Grawp. Put. Me. Down. NOW!”
  • “Dumbledore says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right.”
  • “I’m starting to think this Prince character was a bit dodgy.”
  • “Well, just be careful what you drink, because Romilda Vane looked like she meant business.”
  • “I’ve just escaped…I mean, I left Cormac under the mistletoe.”
  • “McLaggen makes Grawp look a gentleman.”
  • “[Cormac] has more tentacles than a Snarfalump plant.”
  • “Well, just be careful what you drink, because Romilda Vane looked like she meant business.”
  • “I notice I’m always the one who ends up sorting out the food, because I’m a girl, I suppose!”
  • “Actually I’m highly logical, which allows me to look past extraneous details and perceive clearly that which others overlook.”
  • “You…complete…ASS, Ronald Weasley! You show up after weeks and you say ‘HEY’?!”
  • “I’m sorry, but that’s completely ridiculous! How can I possibly prove it doesn’t exist? Do you expect me to get hold of – of all the pebbles in the world and test them? I mean, you could claim that anything’s real if the only basis for believing in it is that nobody’s proved it doesn’t exist!”
  • “Oh, I don’t know! Rack your brains, Ron, that should only take a couple of seconds…”
  • Harry: “You’re not still mad at him, are you?” Hermione: “I’m always mad at him.”
  • “[Bellatrix] tasted disgusting, worse than Gurdyroots!”

And there you have it, my fellow bookworms and wand-wielders—a collection of Hermione Granger’s Harry Potter funny quotes that are sure to tickle your funny bone and charm your socks off! Keep these witty quips close for when you need a dose of brainy humor or a reminder that even the brightest witches can have a knack for hilarity. 😂🦴🧦

Harry Potter Funny Quotes: Hermione’s Love of School

Ready to don your Hogwarts robes and open your textbook into the delightfully nerdy world of Hermione Granger’s school escapades? Hold onto your wands, because we’re about to take a spell through Harry Potter funny quotes from Hermione’s most school-obsessed moments!

From brandishing her hand like a spell-casting wand in class to lecturing her friends with the fervor of a Niffler in a Gringotts vault, Hermione’s academic antics are nothing short of magical. Prepare your quills and get ready to giggle, because Hermione’s love of school is about to cast a Riddikulus charm on your day to Wingardium Leviosa your mood!🪄

  • Ron: “Alohomora?”
    Hermione: “Standard Book of Spells, Chapter 7.”
  • “How could I be so STUPID! [Slams enormous book on table] I checked this out weeks ago for a bit of light reading.”
  • “Oh, honestly, don’t you two read?”
  • “Now, if you two don’t mind, I’m going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea to get us killed – or worse – Expelled.”
  • “No. Stop, stop, stop! You’re going to take someone’s eye out. Besides, you’re saying it wrong. It’s Levi-OH-sah not Levi-oh-SAR.”
  • “I’d heard that Hogwart’s final exams were frightful, but that was fun!”
  • “Harry — I think I’ve just understood something! I’ve got to go to the library!”
  • “That was far easier than I thought it would be…I needn’t have learned about the 1637 Werewolf Code of Conduct or the uprising of Elfric the Eager.”
  • “I took it out for a bit of light reading”
  • “I can’t, Harry. I’ve still got four hundred and twenty-two pages to read!”
  • “Did you really tell him I’m the best in the year? Oh, Harry!”
  • Hermione: “If you had a shred of self-respect, you’d hand that book in.” Ron: “Not bloody likely. He’s top of the class. He’s even better than you, Hermione.”

There’s one from the collection of Harry Potter funny quotes that I know you and many other people can relate to: “First the Firebolt, now Scabbers, everything’s my fault, isn’t it?” Let me tell you this: Fault does NOT have to be assigned to everything. It doesn’t matter how things happen. What matters is how you respond to them and how you feel about it.

Always think positively – doing so rewires your brain to start finding the positives in things before you are even aware that you are doing so. How awesome is that? If there’s one thing you take away from this post today, let it be that.

And there you have it, my fellow enchanted bookworms—a collection of Hermione’s most school-loving moments that even a strict professor would laugh at! Keep these gems in your back pocket (right next to your emergency stash of chocolate frogs) for a quick chuckle between classes or during a study break.

Remember, it’s okay to be a little obsessive about learning—as Hermione shows us, it just means you’re destined for greatness (and maybe a bit of mischief). Stay weird, quirky, and bookish. May there always be fantasy and sarcasm.

Stack of Harry Potter Books With A Lit Wand Resting Upright Against Them
Harry Potter Book Stack

Funny Harry Potter Quotes Between Harry, Ron, and Hermione

Ready to grab some Floo Powder and spin into the grate of our favorite characters in the Harry Potter series: Harry, Ron, and Hermione? Grab some extra parchment to write these down, and a handful of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans (but maybe avoid the vomit-flavored ones), because we’re about to embark on a side-splitting journey through their Harry Potter funny quotes.

From Ron’s bewildered one-liners to Hermione’s exasperated sighs, and Harry’s “I’m just trying to survive here” quips, these quotes will make you laugh harder than a tickling charm gone wild. Prepare for a magical giggle-fest as we explore the witty banter of Hogwarts’ golden trio! ⚯ ⏃ ͛ ➒3/4

  • Hermione: “Oh, why don’t we have a night off? After all, the Easter holidays start on Friday, we’ll have plenty of time then…” Ron: “Are you feeling all right?” Hermione: “Now you mention it,” said Hermione happily, “d’you know…I think I’m feeling a bit…rebellious.”
  • Hermione: “Harry, if you go into Hogsmeade again…I’ll tell Professor McGonagall about that map!”
    Ron: “Can you hear someone talking, Harry?”
  • Ron: “Well, how was it [the kiss]?” Harry: “Wet.” Ron: “That bad at it, are you?” Hermione: “I’m sure Harry’s kissing was more than satisfactory.”
  • Harry: “If you think I’m going to let everyone risk their lives for me…” Ron: “Never done that before, have we?”
  • Harry: “This is completely mental!” Hermione: “Completely!” Ron: “The world’s mental…”
  • Ron: “Oh, my God! What am I going to do? My wife’s all alone downstairs…”
    Harry: “You don’t have a wife, Ron.”
  • Harry: “We can’t leave them! [Draco, Crabbe & Goyle]”
    Ron: “He’s kidding, right? If we die for them, Harry, I’m going to kill you!”
  • Hermione: “There might be a way…Of course, it would be difficult. And dangerous, very dangerous. We’d be breaking about fifty school rules, I expect…”
    Ron: “If, in a month or so, you feel like explaining, you will let us know, won’t you?”
  • Hermione: “Malfoy’s got detention! I could sing!” Harry: “Don’t.”
  • Hermione: “He’s not relaxing, is he?”
    Harry: “Apparently not.”
  • Ron: “My wand. Look at my wand.” Harry: “Be thankful it’s not your neck.
  • Ron: “So that’s a house-elf? Weird things, aren’t they?”
    Harry: “Dobby was weirder”
  • Hermione: “Harry, I’ve been thinking — you know what we’ve got to do, don’t you? Straight away, the moment we get back to the castle?”
    Harry: “Yeah, give Ron a good kick up the —”
  • Hermione: “Honestly, am I the only person who’s ever bothered to read Hogwarts, A History?”
    Ron: “Probably.”
  • Lavender: “That’s my Won-Won!” Hermione: “Excuse me, I have to go vomit.”
  • Hermione: “That looks so painful.”
    Ron: “So painful…they might…chop it.” [his leg]
  • Harry: “You’re a right foul git, you know that?”
    Ron: “You think so?”
    Harry: “I know so.”
    Ron: “Anything else?”
  • Hermione: “Promise you’ll write this summer, both of you.”
    Ron: “I won’t. You know I won’t.”
  • Ron: “Hermione, you’re honestly the most wonderful person I’ve ever met…and if I’m ever rude to you again…”
    Hermione: “I’ll know you’ve gone back to normal.”
  • Hermione: “It’s sort of exciting, isn’t it? Breaking the rules…
    Ron: “Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?”
  • Hermione: “I don’t understand why you don’t want to wear it, Ron.”
    Ron: “I’ll look like a bloody idiot, that’s why.”
    Hermione: “No more than usual.”
  • Hermione: “There’s been a bit of talk lately that Dumbledore’s gotten a bit old.”
    Harry: “That’s rubbish. Well, he’s only – What is he?”
    Ron: “A hundred and fifty? Give or take a few years?”
  • Hermione: “She only has interest in you because she thinks you’re the Chosen One.” Harry: “But I am the Chosen One!” Hermione: [Smacks Harry with a book}
  • Ron: “Unbreakable vow. Are you sure that’s what Snape said?” Harry: “Positive, why?” Ron: “It’s just…you can’t break an unbreakable vow…” Harry: “I’d worked that much out for myself, funnily enough.”
  • Harry: “Cormac? That’s who you invited?” Hermione: “I thought it would annoy Ron the most.”
  • Harry: “If you think I’m going to let everyone risk their lives for me…” Ron: “Never done that before, have we?”

And that’s a wrap on our laughter-filled journey through the wizarding world’s trio of mischief-makers—Harry, Ron, and Hermione! From troll encounters to Polyjuice mishaps, these Harry Potter funny quotes have kept us chuckling like a trio of giggling pixies. Keep these hilarious quips close for when you need a dose of magical mirth or a reminder that friendship and humor are the most powerful spells of all. Until next time, may your adventures be as wild as a ride on a flying Ford Anglia, your friendships be as strong as a trio of wizarding heroes, and your Instagram feed be as funny as a Weasley twins’ prank gone awry! 🚙🐎

“Sort of Exciting, isn’t it? Breaking the rules…” – Hermione Granger

Hermione Granger Breaking The Rules

Harry Potter Funny Quotes From the Weasley Family

Get ready to grab a pinch of Floo powder and travel your way into a world of whimsy and wackiness with Harry Potter funny quotes from everyone’s favorite ginger clan! From mischievous pranks to magical blunders, the Weasleys know how to keep Diagon Alley in stitches. So prepare to snicker, snort, and maybe even guffaw your way through a laughter-filled adventure with the quirkiest family in the wizarding world! Here are your favorite Harry Potter funny quotes from the Weasleys. 🔮↗️📜

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Fred and George Weasley

We are now entering the Forbidden Forest of Fred and George Weasley’s wit and mischief! Prepare to be enchanted by their mischievous charm and laughter-inducing antics as we dive into the wackiest and most memorable Harry Potter funny quotes from the dynamic duo of the wizarding world.

So grab a seat at the Burrow’s kitchen table and prepare to laugh until you are crying. Laughter, after all, is the best medicine for whatever ails you. Think about it. Would you rather sit and talk to some random therapist, or laugh until your sides are bursting from the endless giggles? Yeah, I thought so… ⚕️👩🏻‍⚕️💭📝

Harry Potter Funny quotes From Fred & George: The Philosopher’s Stone / Sorcerer’s Stone

Get ready to embark on a journey through the halls of Hogwarts with two of its most notorious troublemakers as we unveil Harry Potter funny quotes from Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone! From their early antics to their legendary laughter-inducing gags, this dynamic duo is sure to have you laughing harder than a hiccuping Hippogriff. So grab your Extendable Ears and prepare for a laughter-filled adventure through the wizarding world’s favorite jokesters! 👉👂🏻⚡

  • “Oh, are you a prefect, Percy?” said one of the twins, with an air of great surprise. “You should have said something, we had no idea.”
    “Hang on, I think I remember him saying something about it,” said the other twin. “Once —”
    “Or twice —”
    “A minute —”
    “All summer —”
  • “I suppose she thinks you don’t forget your name. But we’re not stupid — we know we’re called Gred and Forge.”
  • “Yeah, Dad’s crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed’s full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he’d have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Our job is to make sure you don’t get bloodied up too bad. Can’t make any promises, of course. Rough game, Quidditch – Brutal! But…no one’s died in years…Someone vanishes occasionally… but they’ll turn up in a month or two!” – Fred & George Weasley

And there you have it, my fellow mischief-makers—a whimsically wonderful collection of Harry Potter funny quotes that capture the spirit of Fred and George Weasley in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone. Keep these hilarious quips close for when you need a laugh or a reminder that even in the darkest of times, laughter can be found in the most unexpected places. (˵ •̀ ᴗ – ˵ ) ✧

Harry Potter Funny quotes From Fred & George: The Chamber of Secrets

Let’s enter into the Chamber of Secret Harry Potter funny quotes to tickle our funnybone… 😂🦴

  • “Now, we’ll go upstairs really quietly…wait for Mum to call us for breakfast. Then, Ron, you come bounding downstairs going, ‘Mum, look who turned up in the night!’ and she’ll be all pleased to see Harry and no one need ever know we flew the car.” – Fred Weasley
  • “A lot of wizards think it’s a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick but we feel they’re skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow.” – Fred Weasley
  • “There’s only so many times you can polish a prefect badge.” – George Weasley
  • “See, they’re not too bright…The moment they know the de-gnoming’s going on they storm up to have a look. You’d think they’d have learned by now just to stay put.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Why couldn’t you have told us all this yesterday when we were awake?” – George Weasley
  • “’Get the Snitch or die trying,’ what a stupid thing to tell him.” – George Weasley
  • “Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through…” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Harry’s in a hurry.” “Yeah, he’s off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant.” – Fred & George Weasley

Now are done in the Chamber of Secret funny quotes, listening to Professor Lockhart yell “It’s like magic!” Who could ever forget that part? ✨💫⭐️

Harry Potter Funny quotes From Fred & George: the Prisoner of Azkaban

Now we’ve entered into Fred & George Weasley’s prison of Harry Potter funny quotes to enjoy. I am writing quick intros and outros for these sections because there are a bunch of them and I know you don’t have time to read all day! 🧐📖

  • “Harry!” said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. “Simply splendid to see you, old boy “Marvelous,” said George, pushing Fred aside and seizing Harry’s hand in turn. “Absolutely spiffing.”
  • “What do we want to be prefects for? It’d take all the fun out of life.” – George Weasley
  • “We tried to shut [Percy] in a pyramid…But Mum spotted us.” – George Weasley
  • “It’s because of you, Perce…And there’ll be little flags on the hoods, with HB on them…for Humongous Bighead.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Stop it, Oliver, you’re embarrassing us…[Pretending to blush]…” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Well . . . when we were in our first year, Harry — young, carefree, and innocent…well, more innocent than we are now — we got into a spot of bother with Filch. We let off a Dungbomb in the corridor and it upset him for some reason — So he hauled us off to his office and started threatening us with the usual…detention…disembowelment…and we couldn’t help noticing a drawer in one of his filing cabinets marked Confiscated and Highly Dangerous.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs…We owe them so much…Noble men, working tirelessly to help a new generation of lawbreakers…” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Come on, Harry! […] Party! Gryffindor common room, now!” – Fred Weasley
  • “Bless him…now, Harry, come and join the big boys.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” – George Weasley

Now that we are done with the prison of Harry Potter funny quotes, let’s give our side-stitches a few moments to recover and move onto the next section. 🤣🤡🤭

Oh, Hermione, we know you’re in the library all day long
Oh, Hermione, We Know You Are In The Library All Day

Harry Potter Funny quotes From Fred & George: the Goblet of Fire

Well, you know what comes after the Prisoner of Azkaban. We are now into the realm of the goblet of Harry Potter funny quotes from Fred & George Weasley. 🧑‍🦰✂️👂✝️

  • “Victor, I love you. Viktor, I do. When we’re apart my heart beats for you.” – Fred, George, & Harry
  • “Give her hell from us, Peeves.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “He can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Dad’s having fun with the matches.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Ouch! Mum — you’re strangling us…” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Don’t you go upsetting them and telling [the house-elves] they’ve got to take clothes and salaries! You’ll put them off their cooking!” – Fred Weasley
  • “Your father thinks very highly of Mad-Eye Moody,” said Mrs. Weasley sternly. “Yeah, well, Dad collects plugs, doesn’t he?” said Fred quietly as Mrs. Weasley left the room. “Birds of a feather…”
  • “Dumbledore’s not what you’d call normal, though, is he? I mean, I know he’s a genius and everything…” – Fred Weasley
  • “They wouldn’t use the Cruciatus Curse on the champions. I thought it sounded a bit like Percy singing . . . maybe you’ve got to attack him while he’s in the shower, Harry.” – George Weasley
  • “Who used the Furnunculus Curse?” “Me,” said Harry. “Odd,” said George lightly. “I used Jelly-Legs. Looks as though those two shouldn’t be mixed. He seems to have sprouted little tentacles all over his face. Well, let’s not leave them here, they don’t add much to the decor.”
  • “Yeah, size is no guarantee of power…Look at Ginny…You’ve never been on the receiving end of one of her Bat-Bogey Hexes, have you?” – Fred Weasley
  • Fred & George Weasley: “Three lads, one lady. Four go down, but do four come up?”
    Ginny: “Don’t be so mean.”
  • “All right everyone, back to your knitting. This is going to be uncomfortable enough without you nosy sods listening in.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • Harry: “Oi! Never going to let him forget this, are you?”
    Fred & George: “Never.”

The goblet of Harry Potter funny quotes is concluded and now – the next Harry Potter book/movie.🎥🍿

Harry Potter Funny quotes From Fred & George: the Order of the Phoenix

Fred & George Weasley are quite the pranksters and I loved them for that. Now it is time for The Order of Harry Potter funny quotes! Let’s get right to the laughs…🤪😂😂🤣🧑‍🦱🧑‍🦱

  • “A lot of wizards think it’s a waste of time, knowing this sort of Muggle trick but we feel they’re skills worth learning, even if they are a bit slow.” – Fred Weasley
  • George: “Hello, Harry. We thought we heard your dulcet tones.”
    Fred: “You don’t want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out. There might be a couple of people 50 miles away who didn’t hear you.”
  • “Remember old Fleur Delacour?” said George. “She’s got a job at Gringotts to eemprove ’er Eeenglish —”
    “— and Bill’s been giving her a lot of private lessons,” sniggered Fred.
  • “If Ginny’s not lying awake waiting for Hermione to tell her everything they said downstairs, then I’m a Flobberworm…” – Fred Weasley
  • “Stop it, Oliver, you’re embarrassing us,” said Fred and George Weasley together, pretending to blush.
  • “[Oliver is] Still in the showers,” said Fred. “We think he’s trying to drown himself.”
  • “Ton-Tongue Toffee…George and I invented them, and we’ve been looking for someone to test them on all summer…” – Fred Weasley
  • “Ouch! Mum — you’re strangling us…” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “You wouldn’t be thinking of restarting Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes, by any chance?” “Now, Mum,” said Fred, looking up at her, a pained look on his face. “If the Hogwarts Express crashed tomorrow, and George and I died, how would you feel to know that the last thing we ever heard from you was an unfounded accusation?”
  • “Don’t you go upsetting them and telling [house-elves] they’ve got to take clothes and salaries! You’ll put them off their cooking!” – Fred Weasley
  • “You’re starting to sound a bit like our dear older brother, you are, Ron. Carry on like this and you’ll be made a prefect.” – George Weasley
  • “You’re mental,” said George, trying to push it back at Harry. “No, I’m not,” said Harry. “You take it, and get inventing. It’s for the joke shop.” “He is mental,” Fred said in an almost awed voice.
  • “We want to experiment with doxy venom for our Skiving Snackboxes.” – George Weasley
  • “I love hearing Mum shouting at someone else…It makes such a nice change.” – Fred Weasley
  • “The idiots are letting [mum] get into her stride…You’ve got to head her off early, otherwise she builds up a head of steam and goes on for hours.” – George Weasley
  • “I suppose all the mad stuff must’ve counted against him,” said George to Fred. “Yeah,” said Fred slowly. “Yeah, you’ve caused too much trouble, mate. Well, at least one of you’s got their priorities right.” He strode over to Harry and clapped him on the back while giving Ron a scathing look. Prefect…ickle Ronnie the prefect…” “Oh, Mum’s going to be revolting,” groaned George, thrusting the prefect badge back at Ron as though it might contaminate him…
  • “You don’t mind if we don’t kiss you, do you, Ron?” said Fred in a falsely anxious voice. “We could curtsy, if you like,” said George. “Oh, shut up,” said Ron, scowling at them. “Or what?” said Fred, an evil grin spreading across his face. “Going to put us in detention?”
  • “Yeah, it looks like our law-breaking days are finally over…” – George Weasley
  • “Do mine ears deceive me…Hogwarts prefects surely don’t wish to skive off lessons?” – George Weasley
  • “You’re starting your fifth year, you’ll be begging us for a Snackbox before long.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies, Hermione.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Put us in detention?” said Fred in an I’d-like-to-see-you-try-it voice. “Make us write lines?” said George, smirking.
  • “Ready to show us all up, Ickle Prefect?” – Fred Weasley
  • “Well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of…Nothing wrong with a good healthy P.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Would you like us to clean out your ears for you? Or any part of your body, really, we’re not fussy where we stick this.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “I thought that was a bowler hat,” said Ron sheepishly. “Never mind what it looks like! What is it?” “Some sort of Invisibility Hat,” said George, looking at it in admiration. “Dad’s got a pair of tweezers and a portable swab. I reckon I could sneak a sample of the Cloak and find out how long the spells last…They must’ve had to use one on every single strand of hair, otherwise it wouldn’t be properly Invisible…” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Canary Creams! George and I invented them — seven Sickles each, a bargain! Sold in boxes of a dozen — look, there’s a leaflet in there. Give them to the person you hate most — and watch them grow a beak and feathers and flap around the room squawking!” – Fred Weasley
  • “Don’t tell us you’re going back to the library?!” “Oh, Hermione, we know you’re in the library all day long, but we don’t think you’ve really ever grasped the concept of a joke shop.” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “George,” said Fred, “I think we’ve outgrown full-time education.”
    “Yeah, I’ve been feeling that way myself,” said George lightly.
    “Time to test our talents in the real world, d’you reckon?” asked Fred.
    “Definitely,” said George.
  • “We’ve always known where to draw the line,” said Fred.
    “We might have put a toe across it occasionally,” said George.
    “But we’ve always stopped short of causing real mayhem,” said Fred.

There was quite a bit of chaos to The Order of Harry Potter funny quotes, but Fred & George sure do make you laugh! 🤪

Harry Potter Funny Quotes: “Well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of...Nothing wrong with a good healthy P.” - Fred Weasley
“Well, that’s nothing to be ashamed of…Nothing wrong with a good healthy P.” – Fred Weasley

Harry Potter Funny Quotes From Fred & George: The Half-Blood Prince

Are your sides hurting from all of Fred & George’s humor yet? There definitely wouldn’t be many Harry Potter funny quotes without them, that’s for sure. Here is the next collection of quotes from Fred & George Weasley:

  • “Love potions…yeah, they really do work, but the way we hear it, sis, you are doing just fine on your own!” – Fred & George Weasley
  • Ron: “How much is this?”
    Fred & George: “Five galleons.”
    Ron: “How much for me?”
    Fred & George: “Five Galleons.”
    Ron: “But I’m your brother!”
    Fred & George: “Ten Galleons!”
  • “Muggle magic tricks…For freaks like Dad, you know, who love Muggle stuff…” – Fred Weasley
  • “Yeah, well, passing over Fred’s left buttock…” – Fred Weasley
  • “Aaah, George, look at this. They’re using knives and everything. Bless them.” – Fred Weasley
  • Ron: “Mind your own business.”
    Fred: “What a snappy retort…I really don’t know how you think of them.”
  • “It’s very character-building stuff, learning to peel sprouts without magic, makes you appreciate how difficult it is for Muggles and Squibs.” – Fred Weasley
  • “We’re off to the village, there’s a very pretty girl working in the paper shop who thinks my card tricks are something marvelous…almost like real magic…” – George Weasley
  • “I can’t see anyone trying to bump off a Quidditch team,” said George.
    “Wood might’ve done the Slytherins if he could’ve got away with it,” said Fred fairly.
  • “The Ministry’s providing cars to all ninety-six of us, I think.” – George Weasley
  • “Well, now, what could the Ministry of Magic want with a pair of jokers like us?” – Fred Weasley
  • “I never thought I’d see the day when Fred and George would give up their Sunday afternoons to keep Ron company.” – Molly Weasley
  • “Imagine if something went wrong and we were stuck as specky, scrawny gits forever.” – Fred Weasley
  • Moody: “For everyone who’s never taken Polyjuice Potion before, fair warning…it’s tastes like goblin piss.”
    Fred: “Have loads of experiences with that, have you?
  • “Yeah, thirteen of us against one bloke who’s not allowed to use magic; we’ve got no chance,” – Fred Weasley
  • “Wow — we’re identical!” – Fred & George Weasley
  • “Saintlike…You see . . . I’m holy. Holey…geddit?” – George Weasley
  • “Pathetic! With the whole wide world of ear-related humor before you, you go for holey?” – Fred Weasley
  • “When I get married…I won’t be bothering with any of this nonsense. You can all wear what you like, and I’ll put a full Body-Bind Curse on Mum until it’s all over.” – Fred Weasley
  • George: “Excellent, I think I see a few veela cousins…They’ll need help understanding our English customs, I’ll look after them…” Fred: “Not so fast, Your Holeyness…”
  • “[Muriel] just told me my ears are lopsided. Old bat.” – George Weasley
  • “So, people, let’s try and calm down a bit. Things are bad enough without inventing stuff as well. For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Just going to make it up as we go along, are we? My favorite kind.” – Fred Weasley

I don’t know about you, but I am crying from so many Harry Potter funny quotes from Fred & George but we only have one more section to go so let’s get our broomsticks out and head to the last of the twins. 🧑‍🤝‍🧑⚡

Harry Potter Funny Quotes From Fred & George: The Deathly Hallows

Are you ready for The Deathly Harry Potter funny quotes? Here are the twins at their finest for you:

  • “I’m holey, Fred, get it?” – George Weasley
  • “I’m George, can’t you even tell us apart when we’re hairy?” – George Weasley
  • “We’ve decided that, when you look at us all together, it’s really obvious.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Honestly, woman, you call yourself our mother?” – Fred Weasley
  • “If we’d known they were this easy, we’d have been risking our necks long before now.” – Fred Weasley
  • “If anything happened to turn your head round, you’d have a job walking straight.” – George Weasley
  • “We’re identical!” – George Weasley
  • “You actually are joking, Perce…I don’t think I’ve heard you joke since you were…” – Fred Weasley
  • “Let’s get upstairs and fight, or all the good Death Eaters’ll be taken.” – George Weasley
  • “He can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.” – Fred Weasley

And there you have it, folks! The whimsical world of Harry Potter funny quotes from Fred and George Weasley never fail to cast a spell of laughter on us all. People tend to remember the person who keeps the laughter lingering on! Keep the magic alive and the jokes flying! I can’t think of a better way to spend your time, can you?🤪😂😂🤣🧑‍🦱🧑‍🦱

"He can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo" - Severus Snape
Severus Snape Confronted With Shampoo

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Ginny Weasley

Okay, fellow Potterheads! 🌟 Ready for a witchy switch? We’re shining the spotlight on the sassiest witch in Hogwarts, the one and only Ginny Weasley! From her quick wit to her fearless attitude, Ginny’s got a knack for making us laugh! Grab your butterbeer, put on your favorite Weasley jumper, and let’s revel in some of Ginny’s funniest and most memorable Harry Potter funny quotes that prove she’s the queen of comebacks and a true Weasley at heart. 👩‍🦰⚡🦁

  • “Well — Percy’s got a girlfriend. […] I walked in on them kissing in an empty classroom one day. He was so upset when she was — you know — attacked. You won’t tease him, will you?” – Ginny Weasley
  • Harry: “I didn’t want anyone to talk to me.” Ginny: “Well, that was a bit stupid of you, seeing as you don’t know anyone but me who’s been possessed by You-Know-Who, and I can tell you how it feels.”
  • “It’s because of me Malfoy’s stuck back in Umbridge’s office with giant flying bogeys attacking him!”
  • “Well, Flitwick’s got rid of Fred and George’s swamp. He did it in about three seconds. But he left a tiny patch under the window and he’s roped it off… he just says it was a really good bit of magic.”
  • “Well, you seemed too busy to call him a prat and I thought someone should.”
  • “It looks like he’s eating her face, doesn’t it? But I suppose he’s got to refine his technique somehow. Good game, Harry.”
  • “Yeah, the D.A.’s good. Only let’s make it stand for Dumbledore’s Army because that’s the Ministry’s worst fear, isn’t it?”
  • “Typical Dad. Stitches…I ask you…”
  • “Whatever you’ve heard from Ron is a big fat lie.”
  • “Yeah, Zabini, because you’re so talented…at posing…”
  • “But Bill’s not that down-to-earth. He’s a Curse-Breaker, isn’t he, he likes a bit of adventure, a bit of glamour…I expect that’s why he’s gone for Phlegm.”
  • “He saw me hex Zacharias Smith. You remember that idiot from Hufflepuff who was in the D.A.? He kept on and on asking about what happened at the Ministry and in the end he annoyed me so much I hexed him — when Slughorn came in I thought I was going to get detention, but he just thought it was a really good hex and invited me to lunch! Mad, eh?”
  • “If you went out and got a bit of snogging done yourself, you wouldn’t mind so much that everyone else does it!”
  • “Been kissing Pigwidgeon, have you? Or have you got a picture of Auntie Muriel stashed under your pillow?”
  • “I knew you wouldn’t be happy unless you were hunting Voldemort. Maybe that’s why I like you so much.”

And there you have it, my fellow Gryffindors and magical mavens—a collection of Ginny Weasley’s funniest quotes that are sure to charm your socks off and leave you laughing like a Hippogriff with a tickling charm! Keep these witty Harry Potter funny quotes close for when you need a dose of fiery humor or a reminder that even the youngest Weasley has a knack for mischief. 🌺🔥🦇

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Mr. Weasley

Hold onto your enchanted Muggle artifacts, readers! We’re diving into the whimsical world of Arthur Weasley, the Ministry of Magic’s foremost aficionado of all things non-magical. With a fascination for rubber ducks and a knack for turning the ordinary into the extraordinary, Mr. Weasley’s quirky humor and love for Muggle mischief make him one of the most endearing characters in the wizarding world. Here are Harry Potter funny quotes from Mr. Weasley.

Like Fred said: “Yeah, Dad’s crazy about everything to do with Muggles; our shed’s full of Muggle stuff. He takes it apart, puts spells on it, and puts it back together again. If he raided our house he’d have to put himself under arrest. It drives Mum mad.” So, grab your plug collection and prepare for a magical ride through Harry Potter funny quotes from everyone’s favorite Muggle-loving wizard, Mr. Weasley! 🧙‍♂️ 🪄🐤

  • Molly Weasley: “Your sons flew that enchanted car of yours to Surrey and back last night.” Arthur Weasley: “Did you really. How did it go…I mean…that was very wrong indeed, boys. Very wrong of you.”
  • “Tell me, what exactly is the function of a rubber duck?”
  • “Dinner at the Dursleys’ should be a laugh.”
  • “Muggles have garden gnomes, too, you know. They just call them ‘little people.'”
  •  “Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain!”
  • “He killed my father. He murdered my mother. I should definitely mention that in my testimony.”
  • “Dumbledore must know you’re here, Harry. Doesn’t miss a trick, that man.”
  • “But you’re Muggles! We must have a drink! What’s that you’ve got there? Oh, you’re changing Muggle money. Molly, look!”
  • “We have a very different idea about what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy.”
  • “Trains underground? Ingenious, these muggles.”
  • “As the muggles say: ‘truth will out.'”
  • “Let us walk, let us see the grim and frosted streets and wonder what on earth Dumbledore is waiting for next.”

And there you have it, my fellow wizarding enthusiasts—a delightful collection of Harry Potter funny quotes from the one and only Mr. Weasley that are sure to have you chuckling like a gnome in the garden shed! Keep these charming quips close for when you need a bit of whimsy or a reminder that even in the most Muggle of moments, magic can be found. Until next time, may your fascination with the Muggle world be as endless as Mr. Weasley’s collection of plugs, and your adventures be as eclectic as a day at the Ministry. 🛀🦆🤔

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Mrs. Weasley

Get ready to be tickled pink (or maybe Weasley red), folks! We’re talking about the best on-screen Mom of the ages – Molly Weasley – the queen of cozy chaos and magical matriarch of the Burrow. With a heart as big as a Hippogriff and a sense of humor sharper than a Goblin’s tooth, Mrs. Weasley’s witty remarks and hilarious one-liners have us laughing all the way to Diagon Alley. Grab your knitting needles, treacle tart, and a plate of freshly baked cookies as we explore Harry Potter funny quotes from everyone’s favorite wizarding mom, Mrs. Weasley! 🥢🥧🍪

  • “Where have you been? Beds empty, no note, Car gone. You could have died! You could have been seen!” – Mrs. Weasley
  • “Where have you been? Harry—how wonderful to see you, dear! Bed’s empty, no note, car gone—could have crashed—out of my mind with worry—did you care? Never, as long as I’ve lived—” (Book Version)
  • “You’d best hope I don’t put bars on your window, Ron Weasley.”
  • Mrs. Weasley: “What did he say dear?” Mr. Weasley: “Diagonally.” Mrs. Weasley: “I thought he did.”
  • “Ronald Weasley! How DARE you steal that car! I am absolutely disgusted! Your father’s now facing an inquiry at work and it is entirely your fault! If you put another TOE out of line, we’ll bring you straight home! Oh and Ginny, dear, congratulations on making Gryffindor. Your father and I are so proud. [Turns to Ron] Phlbbbbbt!”
  • [Mr. Weasley playing with a toaster] “Arthur, do be careful with that, we have no idea what it does.”
  • “What have I always told you? Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.”
  • “What, Harry? Harry who? I think I’d know if Harry Potter was in my house, wouldn’t I?”
  • “Not funny, Fred. Not funny at all.”
  • “Now, you two—this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you’ve— you’ve blown up a toilet or—”
  • “I don’t know where you learned about right and wrong, Mundungus, but you seem to have missed a few crucial lessons.”
  • “I’ve always said, the kitchen’s a dangerous place. Well, it’s dirty, isn’t it?”
  • “No, that’s enough. He’s just a boy.”
  • “Just because you’re allowed to use magic now does not mean you have to whip your wands out for everything!”
  • Mrs. Weasley: “Why didn’t you let us know you were coming?”
    Harry: “I didn’t know – Dumbledore.”
    Mrs. Weasley: “Oh, that man…but then, what would we do without him?”
  • “You! You foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach!”
  • “Please, come in, sit down, Minister! […] Have a little purkey, or some tooding…I mean —”
  • “That’s right. That’s right, dear. Well, off you go, then, Neville, and be careful.”

And there you have it, folks—the Weasley family’s finest moments of mirth and mayhem wrapped up in a package as colorful as their knitted sweaters! From the brilliant banter of Fred and George to the endearing antics of Ron and the nurturing wit of Mrs. Weasley, this family proves that when it comes to humor, they’re always in the red (hair, that is)! Until next time, keep the laughter brewing like a cauldron of Polyjuice Potion, and take Draco’s advice to be a good thing: “You hang around with riffraff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid, and it’ll rub off on you.” 🧙‍♀️🧶🧹

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from The Marauders Map Quartet

The introduction to the Marauders Map was: “This, Harry, is the secret of our success,” said George, patting the parchment fondly. “It’s a wrench, giving it to you,” said Fred, “but we decided last night, your need’s greater than ours.” “Anyway, we know it by heart,” said George. “We bequeath it to you. We don’t really need it anymore.”

The Hogwarts’ original prankster crew: Mr. Prongs, Mr. Moony, Mr. Padfoot, and Mr. Wormtail. These four legends—James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Peter Pettigrew—gave us the iconic Marauder’s Map and countless laughs. Let’s take a magical journey through their funniest moments that still leave us in stitches. 🐺🐀🐕🦌

  • “Never saw one without the other, did you? The number of times I had them in here — ooh, they used to make me laugh. Quite the double act, Sirius Black and James Potter!” – Madam Rosmerta
  • “Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs offer their compliments to Professor Snape and request he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.” – Marauder’s Map

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Remus Lupin

Grab your wands and a steaming mug of butterbeer, because we’re Apparating into the witty and wonderful world of Remus Lupin! This isn’t your average Defense Against the Dark Arts class—no, no! We’re here to explore the hilarious side of our beloved werewolf professor. Whether he’s charming students or outsmarting boggarts, Lupin’s humor is as sharp as his transformations are furry. So, let’s moon over the chuckle-worthy wisdom of Remus Lupin, one laugh-inducing quote at a time! 🍫🌕🐺

  • “Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present the Marauder’s Map.” – Harry Potter
  • “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” – George Weasley
  • “Black and Potter. Ringleaders of their little gang. Both very bright, of course — exceptionally bright, in fact — but I don’t think we’ve ever had such a pair of troublemakers.” – Professor McGonagall
  • “Well, well, Lupin. Out for a little walk in the moonlight, are we?” – Severus Snape
  • “These mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of school. They’d think it extremely entertaining.” – Professor Lupin
  • Lupin: “What frightens you most of all?”
    Neville: “Professor Snape”
    Lupin: “Yes, he frightens all.”
  • “I want everyone to picture the thing they fear the most…and turn it into something funny.” – Professor Lupin
  • Riddikulus!
  • “Your father had a talent for trouble. A talent – rumor has it – he passed on to you. [Harry]”
  • “Poor professor Lupin’s having a really tough night.” – Harry Potter
  • “I’ve looked worse, believe me.” – Remus Lupin
  • “Since I am no longer your teacher, I feel no guilt whatsoever about giving this [The Marauders Map] back to you.”
  • “I feel sure we’ll meet again sometime. Until then, Mischief Managed.”
  • “That’s exactly the point. Fudge isn’t in his right mind. It’s been warped and twisted by fear.”
  • “Fear makes people do terrible things…he’ll do almost anything to avoid that terrible truth.”
  • “Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my ‘furry little problem’ in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit.”

And there you have it, folks—a spellbinding collection of Lupin’s funniest moments that could make even a Dementor crack a smile. Keep these magical morsels of humor handy for when you need a bit of moonlight in your day (or night). May your laughter be as abundant as chocolate in the Lupin household and your Instagram feed as enchanting as a full moon night at Hogwarts. 👩‍🎤🧑‍🎤👨‍🎤❤️🌙🐺

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Sirius Black

Strap in for a ride on the wild side with quotes from everyone’s favorite rebel wizard, Sirius Black! Known for his fearless spirit and sharp wit, Sirius always had a way with words that could make us laugh and think at the same time. As the man who famously said, “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

Sirius’s quotes often carried a profound message wrapped in humor. So, transform into your Animagus form and get ready for a howling good time with the funniest and most insightful quotes from the legendary Sirius Black! 🌠⚫

  • “Black could be anywhere. It’s like trying to catch smoke…like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.” – Dean Thomas
  • “Eyes like the devil, he’s got, and a soul as dark as his name. The one they all talk about…Sirius Black!” – Fat Lady
  • “You’d know all about the madness within, wouldn’t you, Remus?” – Sirius Black
  • “Are you going to kill me, Harry?”
  • “I did my waiting…12 years of it…in Azkaban!”
  • “Brilliant, Snape. Once again you’ve put your keen and penetrating mind to the task and as usual, come to the wrong conclusion.”
  • “Why don’t you run along and play with your chemistry set.”
  • “There’s enough filth on my robes without you [Pettigrew] touching them.”
  • “If you’re talking about me among yourselves, call me Snuffles, okay?”
  • “We can’t set [Kreacher] free, he knows too much about the Order…And anyway, the shock would kill him. You suggest to him that he leaves this house, see how he takes it.”
  • “Keep muttering [Kreacher] and I will be a murderer!”
  • “My mother didn’t have a heart, Kreacher…She kept herself alive out of pure spite.”
  • “Hello, Harry…I see you’ve met my mother.”
  • “Of course, any time the family produced someone halfway decent they were disowned.”
  • Ron: “What’s he [Fudge] think, that we’re forming some sort of wizard army?” Sirius: “That’s exactly what he thinks.”
  • “I think I’d prefer it if you didn’t give orders here, Snape. It’s my house, you see.”
  • “I’ll look for him later, I expect I’ll find him [Kreacher] upstairs crying his eyes out over my mother’s old bloomers or something…Of course, he might have crawled into the airing cupboard and died…But I mustn’t get my hopes up…”
  • “I think [Dumbledore’s Army] is an excellent idea! […] D’you think your father and I would’ve lain down and taken orders from an old hag like Umbridge?”
  • “Well, better expelled and able to defend yourselves than sitting safely in school without a clue.”
  • “I think I’d prefer it if you didn’t give orders here, Snape. It’s my house, you see.”
  • “I’m bored…Wish it was a full moon.”
  • “We were sometimes arrogant little berks.”
  • “Of course [James] was a bit of an idiot! […] We were all idiots! Well — not Moony so much.”

I know that we are talking about Harry Potter funny quotes that tickle your magical funny bone, but I do have to mention that there is one quote from Sirius Black that is legendary. That Sirius Black quote is: If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.” 🏍🐾👰🏻‍♂️💀

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Peter Pettigrew

  • “Turn me into a Flobberworm…anything but the dementors!” – Peter Pettigrew 👫🪄💥☠️= ❌🧔🏻 ✅🐀

I hope that these quotes gave you laughs good enough to use to conjure a Patronus during dark times in your life. Out of curiosity, what animal is your Patronus? If you guys want me to create a quiz so you can find out what your Patronus should be, let me know in the comments below!

And so concludes our comedic escapade with Mr. Prongs, Mr. Moony, Mr. Padfoot, and Mr. Wormtail. Their clever quips and mischievous antics remind us why we fell in love with the Marauders in the first place. Keep your wands at the ready and your Marauder’s Map in hand. “Mischief managed!” 🐺🐀🐕🦌📜

"Fulfilling My Duty As Godfather...Don't worry, I'm pretending to be a lovely stray." - Sirius Black
Fulfilling My Duty As Godfather

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Hogwarts Students

Grab your broomsticks and gather ’round, because we’re about to fly like a Quidditch pro into a magical journey through the halls of Hogwarts, where laughter is the best spell of all! From the misadventures of Peeves the Poltergeist to the hilarious hijinks of the Golden Trio, Hogwarts is a treasure trove of comedic chaos just waiting to be unleashed. So, get ready to snicker, snort, and maybe even spit out your pumpkin juice as we delve into the funniest quotes from the students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry! Accio fun! 🪄✨

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Luna Lovegood

Welcome, whimsical wanderers and lovers of the peculiar! You’ve stumbled upon a treasure trove of Luna Lovegood’s ludicrously lovely lines. Prepare to float away on a cloud of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks and nargles, because Luna’s world is a delightful detour from the ordinary. As Hermione so famously introduced her, “Everyone, this is Loony… this is Luna Lovegood.” So, grab your Spectrespecs, embrace the unexpected, and let’s dive into the delightfully daffy musings of our favorite Ravenclaw dreamer! 🙃🌟🦁🦅💙🍓

  • “You’re not going mad. I can see them, too. You’re just as sane as I am.” – Luna Lovegood
  • “I suspect Nargles are behind it.”
  • “I think I’ll just go have some pudding.”
  • “You know. You’re Harry Potter.”
  • “[Parvati] doesn’t think you treated her very well, because you wouldn’t dance with her. I don’t think I’d have minded…I don’t like dancing very much.”
  • “Well, we think [Hagrid’s] a bit of a joke in Ravenclaw.”
  • “You can laugh! But people used to believe there were no such things as the Blibbering Humdinger or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!”
  • “He’s always saying he’d believe anything of Fudge, I mean, the number of goblins Fudge has had assassinated! And of course, he uses the Department of Mysteries to develop terrible poisons, which he feeds secretly to anybody who disagrees with him. And then there’s his Umgubular Slashkilter…”
  • “Well, my father is very supportive of any anti-Ministry action!”
  • “They’re called Thestrals. They are quite gentle, really, but I suspect people avoid them because they are…different.”
  • “Mistletoe,” said Luna dreamily, pointing at a large clump of white berries placed almost over Harry’s head. He jumped out from under it. “Good thinking,” said Luna very seriously. “It’s often infested with Nargles.”
  • “When you say Sirius,’ are you talking about Stubby Boardman?”
  • “Wrackspurts. Your head’s full of them.”
  • “I’ve [fixed] several toes and how different are they [noses], really?”
  • Harry: “How do I look?” Luna: “Exceptionally ordinary.”
  • “I sleepwalk, you see. That’s why I wear shoes to bed.”
  • “Oh, no, I’d love to go with you as friends! Nobody’s ever asked me to a party before, as a friend! Is that why you dyed your eyebrow, for the party? Should I do mine too?”
  • “The Aurors are part of the Rotfang Conspiracy, I thought everyone knew that. They’re working to bring down the Ministry of Magic from within using a combination of Dark Magic and gum disease.”
  • “…but now that big Hufflepuff player’s got the Quaffle from her, I can’t remember his name, it’s something like Bibble — no, Buggins —”
  • “And Harry Potter’s now having an argument with his Keeper…I don’t think that’ll help him find the Snitch, but maybe it’s a clever ruse…”
  • “Harry doesn’t want to talk to us right now. He’s just too polite to say so.”
  • “No, it was definitely a Snorkack horn…Daddy told me. It will probably have re-formed by now, they mend themselves, you know.”
  • Luna: “Whenever you’re ready, sir.” Dobby: “Sir? I like her very much!”
  • “Muggles think [chimes] keep evil away but they’re wrong…”

And just like that, our enchanting escapade with Luna Lovegood comes to a close. As you drift back to reality, keep a bit of Luna’s lovely lunacy in your heart. Remember, it’s perfectly okay to believe in the unseen and to dance to the beat of your own magical drum. May your life be filled with whimsical wonders and delightful daydreams. Farewell, fabulous magical oddballs, and keep being weird. Ordinary is boring. Sanity is overrated. After all, Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.” 🤪 🌙 ❤👍🏼

Harry Potter Funny Quotes From Draco Malfoy

Hold onto your broomsticks and prepare for a sassy Slytherin showcase, because we’re mouthing our way into the snarky, sneering, and sometimes side-splitting world of Draco Malfoy! With a wit as sharp as a Basilisk fang and a tongue dipped in sarcasm, Draco’s quotes can leave us laughing one moment and reeling the next. 🐍

While some of his barbs may cross the line into cruelty, I’ve included them here to be thorough. So, don your green and silver, and join us as we explore the most memorable (and occasionally mean) Harry Potter funny quotes from the notorious Draco Malfoy!

  • “Let me see…Red hair, vacant expressions…tatty, secondhand book. You must be the Weasleys.”
  • “Did you see [Neville’s] face? Maybe if the fat lump had given [the Remembrall] a squeeze, he’d have remembered to fall on his fat arse.”
  • “You hang around with riffraff like the Weasleys and that Hagrid, and it’ll rub off on you.”
  • “Longbottom, if brains were gold you’d be poorer than Weasley, and that’s saying something.”
  • “You know how I think they choose people for the Gryffindor team? […] It’s people they feel sorry for. See, there’s Potter, who’s got no parents, then there’s the Weasleys, who’ve got no money – you should be on the team, Longbottom, you’ve got no brains.”
  • “You’re in luck, Weasley, Potter’s obviously spotted some money on the ground!”
  • “Training for the ballet, Potter?”
  • “Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward.”
  • “Potty and the Weasel.”
  • “Wait until my father hears about this. This is servant’s stuff!”
  • “Famous Harry Potter. Can’t even go into a bookshop without making the front page.”
  • “No one asked your opinion, you filthy little Mudblood.”
  • “Enemies of the Heir, beware! You’ll be next, Mudbloods!”
  • “Perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms, too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives; I expect a museum would bid for them.”
  • “Arthur Weasley loves Muggles so much he should snap his wand in half and go and join them.”
  • “You’d never know the Weasleys were purebloods, the way they behave. They’re an embarrassment to the wizarding world.”
  • “I heard your father finally got his hands on some gold this summer, Weasley…Did your mother die of shock?”
  • “A picture of your parents outside their house – if you can call it a house! Your mother could do with losing a bit of weight, couldn’t she…Oh yeah, you were staying with them this summer, weren’t you, Potter? […] So tell me, is his mother really that porky, or is it just the picture?”
  • “You fainted, Potter? Is Longbottom telling the truth? You actually fainted?” 
  • “Weasley’s mutilating my roots, sir.”
  • [Lupin] dresses like our old house-elf.”
  • “[Harry’s broomstick has] plenty of special features, hasn’t it? Shame it doesn’t come with a parachute – in case you get too near a dementor.”
  • “I’m afraid he won’t be a teacher much longer…Father’s not very happy about my injury…he’s complained to the school governors. And to the Ministry of Magic. Father’s got a lot of influence, you know. And a lasting injury like this…[SIGH]…who knows if my arm’ll ever be the same again?”
  • “The dementors send their love, Potter!”
Harry Potter Funny Quotes: "[Harry's broomstick has] plenty of special features, hasn't it? Shame it doesn't come with a parachute – in case you get too near a dementor." - Draco Malfoy - Image shows harry on a broomstick with a magical parachute attached and a dementor behind him.
Harry Potter Funny Quotes Broomstick
  • “Father said I can keep the hippogriff’s head. I’ll donate it to the Gryffindor’s room.”
  • “Madame Pomfrey said another minute and I could have lost my arm. I can’t do homework for weeks.”
  • Draco: “How dare you talk to me, you filthy little Mudblood.” [Invisible Harry hits him with a snowball to the head]
  • “I’m going to get that jumped-up Mudblood, ark my words.”
  • “Got your autograph books? Better get a signature now, because I doubt he’s going to be around much longer…Half the Triwizard champions have died…how long d’you reckon you’re going to last, Potter? Ten minutes into the first task’s my bet.”
  • “Take this thing for a walk…And where exactly are we supposed to fix the leash? Around the sting, the blasting end, or the sucker?”
  • “What’s that Weasley’s riding? Why would anyone put a Flying Charm on a moldy old log like that?”
  • “Can’t see how you stand the stink, but I suppose when you’ve been dragged up by Muggles even the Weasleys’ hovel smells okay.”
  • “Weasley, we were wondering…D’you reckon if you saw someone snuff it you’d be able to see the Quaffle better?”
  • “New Head, new times…Be good now, Potty…Weasel King…” 
  • “If you’re wondering what the smell is, Mother, a Mudblood just walked in.”
  • “Who blacked your eye, Granger? I want to send them flowers.” 
  • “Don’t touch my hand, now. I’ve just washed it, you see; don’t want a Mudblood sliming it up.”
  • “You’re not telling me someone’s asked that to the ball? Not the long-molared Mudblood?”
  • “You’d better hurry up, they’ll be waiting for ‘the Chosen Captain’ – ‘the Boy Who Scored’ – whatever they call you these days.” 
  • “Well, I think this should put an end to the oaf ‘s teaching career…Half-giant…and there was me thinking he’d just swallowed a bottle of Skele-Gro when he was young…None of the mummies and daddies are going to like this at all…They’ll be worried he’ll eat their kids, ha, ha…”
  • “Hey, Potter! Potter! How’s your head? You feeling all right? Sure you’re not going to go berserk on us?”
  • “Maybe he’s been messing with stuff that’s too big for him, if you get my drift.”
  • “Well, just watch yourself, Potter, because I’ll be dogging your footsteps in case you step out of line.”
  • “I’m surprised the ministry is still letting you walk free, Potter. You better enjoy it while you can. I expect there’s a cell in Azkaban with your name on it…what’d I tell you…a complete nutter.”
  • “Hands off me, you dirty Squib!”

And there you have it, daring Draco devotees! A whirlwind tour through the razor-sharp wit and mischievous musings of Draco Malfoy. From laugh-out-loud moments to cringe-worthy comments, his quotes run the gamut of Slytherin sass. As we move on to our next magical meander, keep your sense of humor sharp and your defenses up—because with Draco in the mix, you never know when a zinger is coming your way! 🐍🧑🏼🪄

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Seamus Finnigan

Ready to ignite your day with some explosive laughs? We’re spelling into the wonderfully chaotic world of Seamus Finnigan, the Gryffindor known for turning simple spells into spectacular fireworks! Grab your safety goggles and a pinch of dragon dung fertilizer, because Seamus’ mishaps and misadventures are sure to make you laugh harder than a Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes prank gone right. From his fiery charms to his unintentionally hilarious mishaps, Seamus’ quotes are bound to add a spark to your day! 🏰🧨🍀🦁

  • “I’m half-and-half. Me dad’s a Muggle. Mum’s a witch…Bit of a nasty shock when he found out.”
  • “[Seamus] is trying to turn water into rum. He actually managed a weak tea yesterday, before…[BOOM]” – Ron Weasley
  • “I hope he asked you to wear a dress, Ginny. Want to make a good impression, I expect—” – Seamus Finnigan
  • “It’s not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just happens a fair bit. You have to admit though, fire’s pretty fascinating.” – Seamus Finnigan
  • “That’s right! Weren’t you saying, Harry, that the Quidditch Cup should have its own official song?”
  • “I didn’t mean to—I just lost control of the thing, it was all hands on deck—”
  • “I reckon once you start dating a bloke, you should give up hope of ever getting a decent meal again.”
  • “I didn’t blow up anything last term, either! I just managed to vanish a teapot before it hit me!”
  • “I am a wizard, not a baboon brandishing a stick.”

And there you have it, my daring adventurers—a collection of Seamus Finnigan’s funniest, most combustible moments that are sure to set your laughter ablaze! Keep these fiery quotes handy for when you need a burst of humor to light up your day. Remember, even the most explosive mistakes can lead to the brightest smiles. 🌋🧨💥

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Neville Longbottom

Ready to Apparate into the adorably awkward and surprisingly heroic world of Neville Longbottom? Grab your earmuffs and a Mandrake root, because we’re about to unearth some of the funniest and most endearing quotes from our favorite underdog.

From his botched spells to his unintentional heroics, Neville’s journey is filled with laughs, mishaps, and moments that will make you cheer. So, let’s go into the greenhouse of giggles and discover why Neville is the true master of magical mishaps!

  • “Thank goodness you found me! I’ve been out here for hours, I couldn’t remember the new password to get into bed.” – Neville Longbottom
  • “I’m worth twelve of you, Malfoy.”
  • “You’re sneaking out again, aren’t you? No! I won’t let you! You’ll get Gryffindor into trouble again…I…I’ll fight you…”
  • “You’d better open [the Howler], Ron…It’ll be worse if you don’t. My gran sent me one once, and I ignored it and…it was horrible.”
  • “Why is it always me?”
  • “Which person, which abysmally foolish person wrote down this week’s passwords and left them lying around?” – Professor McGonagall
  • “I DID IT! I’ve never done it before — I DID IT!” – Neville Longbottom

And there you have it, my charmingly clumsy companions—a bouquet of Neville Longbottom’s funniest moments that are sure to brighten your day like a well-tended Herbology class! We all wonder “Why is it always me?” at times, so keep these quotes close for those times when you need a laugh or a reminder that even the most awkward wizards can turn out to be heroes.

And that, my fellow mischief-makers, wraps up our uproariously entertaining tour through the halls of Hogwarts from the students’ point of view! From the corridors of Gryffindor Tower to the dungeons of Slytherin, these quotes remind us that in the midst of magical mayhem, laughter is the best form of magic. The fun never ends if you don’t let it! 😆🚫🔚

“We’re fighting, aren’t we? The message is, it doesn’t matter who you are, anyone can make a difference.” - Neville Longbottom
“We’re Fighting, Aren’t We?

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the Hogwarts Staff Members

Step right up, magical misfits and spellbinding scholars, for a whimsically wicked journey through the hallowed halls of Hogwarts from the professors’ point of view! Hold onto your Sorting Hats as we embark on an enchanting escapade into the hilarity hidden within the classrooms of our beloved castle.

From the whimsical wisdom of Professor Dumbledore to the cauldron-stirring antics of Professor Snape, Hogwarts’ faculty are about to cast a spell on your funny bones! So grab your quills, sharpen your wit, and let’s dive headfirst into the uproarious world of Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the Hogwarts professors! 📜🖋️⚡

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Dumbledore

magical oddballs!

There are so many Dumbledore quotes that I love, but there’s one that I can relate to daily: “I often talk aloud to myself. I find it extraordinarily useful.” If you’ve ever found yourself muttering spell theories or debating the best Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Bean flavor, you’re in good company! 🍬🫘🤮

Get ready to dive into the delightfully eccentric world of Albus Dumbledore, where wisdom meets whimsy, and every quote is a nugget of golden hilarity. From his cryptic one-liners to his sage yet bizarre advice, let’s take a magical carpet ride on a journey through the funny side of Hogwarts’ greatest headmaster! ✨🇹🇲🕌🧞‍♂️

  • “Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!”
  • “Ahem — just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you. […] I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death.”
  • “What a year it has been! Hopefully your heads are all a little fuller than they were…you have the whole summer ahead to get them nice and empty before next year starts…” 
  • “Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.”
  • “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”
  • “As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”
  • “What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows.”
  • “You see, only a person who wanted to find the stone – find it, but not use it – would be able to get it. That is one of my more brilliant ideas…and between you and me, that is saying something.”
  • “Professor Snape couldn’t bear being in your father’s debt…I do believe he worked so hard to protect you this year because he felt that would make him and your father even. Then he could go back to hating your father’s memory in peace…”
  • “Ah, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. I was most unfortunate, in my youth, to come across a vomit-flavored one…and since then I’ve lost my liking for them…but I think I could be safe with a nice toffee…Alas! Earwax!”
  • “I have a few last-minute points to award: To Hermione Granger, for cool use of intellect when others were in grave peril – 50 points. Second to Mr. Ronald Weasley, for the best-played game of chess that Hogwarts has seen these many years – 50 points. And third, to Mr. Harry Potter, for pure nerve and outstanding courage – I award Gryffindor House 60 points. Finally it takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to your enemies…but a great deal more to stand up to your friends. I award 10 points to Neville Longbottom. Assuming that my calculations are correct, I assume a change of decorations is in order. Gryffindor wins the House Cup!”
  • “What a year it has been! Hopefully your heads are all a little fuller than they were…you have the whole summer ahead to get them nice and empty before next year starts…”
  • “As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all – the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them.”
  • “What happened in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows.”
  • “We’ll be needing a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher…Dear me, we do seem to run through them, don’t we?” 
  • “I seem to remember telling you both that I would have to expel you if you broke any more school rules. […] Which goes to show that the best of us must sometimes eat our words…You will both receive Special Awards for Services to the School and — let me see — yes, I think two hundred points apiece for Gryffindor.” 
  • “If I were a Death Eater, I would have been sure to research my own jam preferences before impersonating myself.”
  • “That brings [Trelawney’s] total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay raise. . . .”
  •  “Have you any idea how much tyrants fear the people they oppress? All of them realize that, one day, amongst their many victims, there is sure to be one who rises against them and strikes back!”
  • “Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often.”
  • “I suggest you both go up to Madam Pomfrey. She is already tending to Miss Fawcett, of Ravenclaw, and Mr. Summers, of Hufflepuff, both of whom decided to age themselves up a little too. Though I must say, neither of their beards is anything like as fine as yours.”
  • “I consider [Madame Maxime] to be a very able headmistress – and an excellent dancer.”
  • “I am not joking, Mr. Weasley…though now that you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag, and a leprechaun who all go into a bar.”
  • “You see, only a person who wanted to find the stone – find it, but not use it – could get it. That is one of my more brilliant ideas. And between you and me, that is saying something.”
  • “I am well aware of the bylaws, Severus…having written quite a few of them myself.”
  • “Oh, executioner, your services are no longer required.”
  • “Oh, Harry, do feel free to indulge in a little licorice snap, in my absence, but I have to warn you, they’re a wee bit sharp.”
  • “From this point forth, we shall be leaving the firm foundation of fact and journeying together through the murky marshes of memory into thickets of wildest guesswork. From here on in, Harry, I may be as woefully wrong as Humphrey Belcher, who believed the time was ripe for a cheese cauldron.”
  • “Personally, I’ve never had much time for heroes.”
  • “I never liked these curtains. I set them on fire in my fourth year…by accident, of course.”
Harry Potter Funny Quotes
Harry Potter Funny Quotes
  • “Blessed as I am with extraordinary brainpower, I understood everything you told me. I think you might even consider the possibility that I understood more than you did.”
  • “He failed to kill you with my wand. I think we can agree that you are not dead – though, of course,” he added, as if fearing he had been discourteous, “I do not minimize your sufferings, which I am sure were severe.”
  • “I never liked these curtains. I set them on fire in my fourth year…by accident, of course.”
  • “I particularly enjoyed your description of me as an obsolete dingbat.”
  • “Oh, I would never dream of assuming I know all Hogwarts’ secrets, Igor. Only this morning, for instance, I took a wrong turning on the way to the bathroom and found myself in a beautifully proportioned room I have never seen before, containing a really rather magnificent collection of chamber pots. When I went back to investigate more closely, I discovered that the room had vanished. But I must keep an eye out for it. Possibly it is only accessible at five-thirty in the morning. Or it may only appear at the quarter moon – or when the seeker has an exceptionally full bladder.”
  • “My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practicing inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I’m not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery…”
  • “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.”
  • “Ah, I though we might hit this little snag. You seem to be laboring under the delusion that I’m going to…what was the phrase…’come quietly?’ I have no intention of going to Azkaban.”
  • “Don’t be silly, Dawlish…I’m sure you are an excellent Auror – I seem to remember that you achieved ‘Outstanding’ in all your NEWT s — but if you attempt to — er — bring me in by force, I will have to hurt you.”
  • “I make mistakes like the next man. In fact, being — forgive me — rather cleverer than most men, my mistakes tend to be correspondingly huger.”
  • “Blessed as I am with extraordinary brainpower, I understood everything you told me. I think you might even consider the possibility that I understood more than you did.”
  • “Do you mind if I take this? I do love knitting patterns.”
  • “Voldemort singled you out as the person who would be most dangerous to him — and in doing so, he made you the person who would be most dangerous to him!”
  • “Ingenious,” said Dumbledore. “Yet . . . forgive me . . . where are they now? You [Draco] seem unsupported.”
  • “At times I still see the small boy from the cupboard…forgive my mawkishness…”
  • “Oh to be young and to feel love’s keen sting.”
  • “I often talk aloud to myself. l find it extraordinarily useful. Have you been whispering to yourself, Draco?”
  • “Sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. Best to say nothing at all, my dear man.”
  • “We are in King’s Cross you say? I think that if you decided not to go back, you would be able to…let’s say…board a train.”

And with that, my fellow magical oddballs, we close the chapter on our hilarious journey through the whimsical world of Harry Potter funny quotes from Dumbledore! From lemon drops to Thestrals, Dumbledore never fails to sprinkle a bit of quirky charm into every conversation.

So, whether you’re pondering the mysteries of the universe or just trying to find your socks, remember to embrace life’s absurdities with a chuckle and a twinkle in your eye, just like our dear old headmaster. May your days be as delightfully peculiar as a conversation with a talking portrait. 🗣️🖼️

Inspiring Harry Potter Quotes from Professor Dumbledore

This post may be about Harry Potter funny quotes, but what would a Harry Potter post be without some of the most inspiring quotes Albus Dumbledore spewed from his magical mouth? With wisdom as deep as the Black Lake and wit as sharp as a Basilisk fang, Dumbledore’s verbiage is a veritable feast for the ears. So, while we explore the hat’s humorous hijinks, let’s not forget the sparkle of Dumbledore, who is a valiant visionary, venerating virtues, and voicing venerable, vibrant, valuable, velvety verities. As Fred & George would say, try saying that 5 times, fast! 🗣️💬 ⏱

  • “The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”
  • “However…you will find that I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me. You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.”
  • “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
  • “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”
  • “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends.”
  • “Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
  • “Youth can not know how age thinks and feels. But old men are guilty if they forget what it was to be young.”
  • “The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed.”
  • “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth.”
  • “It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.”
  • “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.”
  • “Curiosity is not a sin…. But we should exercise caution with our curiosity… yes, indeed.” 
  • “A child’s voice, however honest and true, is meaningless to those who have forgotten how to listen.”
  • “When in doubt, I find retracing my steps to be a wise place to begin.”
  • “You have the right to dismiss my teachers. You do not, however, have the authority to banish them from the grounds.”
  • “It is not our abilities that show who we truly are…it is our choices…”
  • “For in dreams we enter a world that’s entirely our own. Let him swim in the deepest ocean or glide over the highest cloud.”
  • “A true leader does what is right, no matter what others think.”
  • “You place too much importance, and you always have done, on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be! It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!”
  • “Soon, we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.”
  • “Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.”
  • “Time is short, and unless the few of us who know the truth do not stand united, there is no hope for any us.”
  • “I am not worried, Harry. I am with you.”

And with that, dear wizards and witches, we bid adieu to our enchanting journey through the wisdom-filled words of Professor Dumbledore! May his timeless insights continue to guide us through life’s magical twists and turns, reminding us that courage, love, and a dash of eccentricity are the truest magic of all.

So, whether you’re facing a boggart or a bumpy broomstick ride, remember Dumbledore’s words and face each challenge with a twinkle in your eye and a flick of your wand. May your days be as whimsical as a Hogwarts feast, your dreams as daring as a leap through the Veil, and your Instagram feed as enchanting as a Pensieve full of memories! 🏰🧙‍♂️🪄🦁

Up. Up. Up. Up...Whack! Shut Up Harry - Ron Weasley
Up. Up. Up. Up…Whack! Shut Up Harry

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Professor Minerva McGonagall

Dust off your Transfiguration textbooks and ready your best cat impression, because we’re stepping into the sharp-witted and wonderfully whimsical world of Professor Minerva McGonagall! With a stern exterior and a heart of gold, McGonagall’s humor is as precise as her spellwork and as unexpected as a cat on a broomstick. Her dry wit and perfectly timed one-liners leave us laughing and loving her even more. So, grab your tartan cloak and prepare for a delightful swish and flick into the funniest quotes from the ever-enigmatic Professor McGonagall! 🐈👓📖🎓

  • “You’d be stiff if you’d been sitting on a brick wall all day.”
  • “As for you two – not many could take on a fully grown Mountain Troll and live to tell the tale! Five points…will be awarded to each of you…for sheer dumb luck!”
  • “Why is it, when something happens, it is always you three?”
  • “This boy will be famous. There won’t be a child in our world who doesn’t know his name.”
  • Harry: “I — I didn’t think —”
    McGonagall: “That…is obvious.”
  • “You will be polishing the silver in the trophy room with Mr. Filch. And no magic, Weasley — elbow grease. And you, Potter, will be helping Professor Lockhart answer his fan mail.”
  • “Really, Severus. I see no reason to stop the boy playing Quidditch. This cat wasn’t hit over the head with a broomstick. There is no evidence at all that Potter has done anything wrong.”
  • “That’s settled. We’ll leave you to deal with the monster, Gilderoy. Your skills after all, are legend.”
  • “Very well, so you found out where the entrance was — breaking a hundred school rules into pieces along the way, I might add — but how on earth did you all get out of there alive, Potter?”
  • ‘It unscrews the other way.” (Said to Peeves unscrewing a chandelier over Umbridge).
  • “We teachers are rather good at magic, you know.”
  • “I daresay you’ll need to get the feel of it before Saturday’s match, won’t you? And Potter — do try and win, won’t you? Or we’ll be out of the running for the eighth year in a row, as Professor Snape was kind enough to remind me only last night…”
  • “Longbottom, kindly do not reveal that you can’t even perform a simple Switching Spell in front of anyone from Durmstrang!”
  • “What? Do nothing? Offer him up as bait? Potter is a boy, not a piece of meat!”
  • “Miss Granger remains the only person in this class who has managed to turn a hedgehog into a satisfactory pincush– ion. I might remind you that your pincushion, Thomas, still curls up in fright if anyone approaches it with a pin!”
  • “The Yule Ball is of course a chance for us all to — er — let our hair down.”
  • “I will not have you, in the course of one evening, besmirching that name by behaving like a babbling, bumbling band of baboons.”
  • “Inside every girl, a secret swan slumbers, longing to burst forth and take flight. Inside every boy, a lordly lion prepares to prance.”
  • “You fool! Cedric Diggory! Mr. Crouch! These deaths were not the random work of a lunatic!”
  • “[Harry] has achieved high marks in every Defense Against the Darks Arts test set by a competent teacher.”
  • “Have a biscuit, Potter.”
  • “Well, usually when a person shakes their head they mean ‘no.’”
  • “Oh, so that’s why he wasn’t prosecuted for setting up all those regurgitating toilets! What an interesting insight into our justice system!”
  • “Dear, dear. Miss Brown, would you mind running along to the head– mistress and informing her that we have an escaped firework in our classroom?”
  • “May I offer you a cough drop, Dolores?”
  • “Potter, take Weasley with you. He looks far too happy over there.”
  • “[Snape] has, to use the common phrase, done a bunk.”
  • “It’s high time your grandmother learned to be proud of the grandson she’s got, rather than the one she thinks she ought to have — particularly after what happened at the Ministry.”
  • “Take Charms, and I shall drop Augusta a line reminding her that just because she failed her Charms O.W.L., the subject is not necessarily worthless.”
  • McGonagall: “Why is it when something happens it is always you three?” Ron: “Believe me, professor, I’ve been asking myself the same question for six years.”
  • “Oh, no, no. I’m not a Professor, dear. I am a cat.”

And there you have it, my magical mavens! A spellbinding journey through the quirky quips and fantastical funnies of Professor Minerva McGonagall. Her clever comebacks and sly humor remind us that even the strictest professors have a playful side. Keep your wands polished and your cats-eyes as sharp as McGonagall’s—because with her around, there’s always a lesson in laughter! 🐈🪄🧙‍♀️

Piertotum Locomotor! I've always wanted to use that spell! - Minerva McGonagall
Harry Potter Funny Quotes image of Professor McGonagall on mauve background with spell written on old scroll with wand in the middle
Piertotum Locomotor! I’ve Always Wanted To Use That Spell! – Minerva McGonagall

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Severus Snape

Gather ’round potion enthusiasts and sarcasm aficionados! It’s time to dive into the delightfully dry humor of everyone’s favorite Potions Master, Severus Snape. With Alan Rickman’s iconic portrayal, Snape’s wit was as sharp as his wand. He was sneaky and disliked from the start.

Even Professor Quirell said: “Yes, [Snape] does seem the type, doesn’t he? Next to him, who would suspect, poor, stuttering Professor Quirrell?” Let’s explore some of his funniest, most cutting quotes that left us laughing (and maybe a little terrified) in the hallowed halls of Hogwarts. 𝓐𝓵𝔀𝓪𝔂𝓼

  • “There will be no foolish wand-waving or silly incantations in this class. As such, I don’t expect many of you to understand the subtle science and exact art that is potion-making.” – Severus Snape
  • “Mr. Potter, our new celebrity.”
  • “Pity…Clearly, fame isn’t everything, is it, Mr. Potter?”
  • “Good luck today, Potter. Then again, now that you’ve proven yourself against a Troll, a little game of Quidditch should be easy work for you. Even if it against Slytherin…”
  • “Now what would 3 young Gryffindors be doing inside on a day like this? You ought to be careful…people will think you’re…up to something.”
  • “Weasley’s wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We’ll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox. Might I suggest someone from my own House? Malfoy, perhaps?”
  • “A girl has been taken by the monster, Lockhart. Your moment has come at last…weren’t you saying last night that you’ve known all along where the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is?”
  • “Maybe some of you have come to Hogwarts in possession of abilities so formidable that you feel confident enough to not. pay. attention!” – Professor Snape
  • “Are you incapable of restraining yourself, or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?”
  • “I suggest you take extra care, Mr. Potter. Loss of limb will not excuse you.”
  • “Well, well, Lupin. Out for a little walk in the moonlight, are we?”
  • “Turn to page 394.”
  • “Moronic though some of this class undoubtedly are, I expect you to scrape an ‘Acceptable’ in your O.W.L., or suffer my…displeasure.”
  • Umbridge: “You applied, first, for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, is that correct?” Snape: “Yes.” Umbridge: “But you were unsuccessful?” Snape: “Obviously…”
  • “I may vomit [seeing Harry’s memories].”
  • “You and Black are two of a kind. Sentimental children forever whining about how bitterly unfair your lives have been. Well, it may have escaped your notice, but life isn’t fair.”
  • “Unless you wish to poison him [Harry], and I assure you, I would have the greatest sympathy if you did…I cannot help you.”
  • “Once again, you astonish me with your gifts, Potter. Gifts only mere mortals could dream of possessing. How grand it must be to be the Chosen One.”
  • “Another ten points from Gryffindor. I would expect nothing more sophisticated from you, Ronald Weasley, the boy so solid he cannot Apparate half an inch across a room.”
  • “Oh, very good,” interrupted Snape, his lip curling. “Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter. ‘Ghosts are transparent.’ ”
  • “He possesses no measurable talent, his arrogance rivals even that of his father, and he seems to relish his fame.”
  • “I have just confiscated a rather curious artifact from Mr. Potter…clearly it’s full of dark magic…”
  • “Fascinating though your social life undoubtedly is, Miss Granger…I must ask you not to discuss it in my class. Ten points from Gryffindor.”
  • “‘…Harry Potter’s well-wishers must hope that, next time, he bestows his heart upon a worthier candidate.’ How very touching,” sneered Snape, rolling up the magazine to continued gales of laughter from the Slytherins. “Well, I think I had better separate the three of you, so you can keep your minds on your potions rather than on your tangled love lives.”
  • “Perhaps Potter will grow up to be a felon, just like his godfather.”
  • “Unless you wish to poison him [Harry], and I assure you, I would have the greatest sympathy if you did…I cannot help you.”
  • “The Dark Arts are many, varied, ever-changing and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible.”
  • “Once again, you astonish me with your gifts, Potter. Gifts only mere mortals could dream of possessing. How grand it must be to be the Chosen One.”
  • “He possesses no measurable talent, his arrogance rivals even that of his father, and he seems to relish his fame.”

And there you have it, my magically inclined comrades! The snark and sass of Severus Snape, delivered with the impeccable flair of Alan Rickman. Whether he’s dishing out detention or delivering deadpan one-liners, Snape’s humor is as legendary as his potion-making skills. Now, according to Bellatrix, “He’ll [Snape] just slither back into his hole…coward.” Funny, her cousin, Sirius, felt very much the same: “Snape’s always been fascinated by the Dark Arts, he was famous for it at school. Slimy, oily, greasy-haired kid, he was.”

Professor Snape had one thing right, though: “The Dark Arts are many, varied, ever-changing and eternal. Fighting them is like fighting a many-headed monster, which, each time a neck is severed, sprouts a head even fiercer and cleverer than before. You are fighting that which is unfixed, mutating, indestructible.” 🖤🧪🧙‍♂️

"Yes, it is easy to see that nearly six years of magical education have not been wasted on you, Potter..."Ghosts are transparent - severus snape
Ghosts are Transparent

Harry Potter Funny Quotes: Sybill Trelawney

Gather your crystal balls and dust off those tea leaves, because I predict some laughter regarding the Harry Potter Funny Quotes in the delightfully eccentric realm of Professor Sybill Trelawney! With her misty eyes and ethereal demeanor, Trelawney’s peculiar prophecies and whimsical warnings often leave us in stitches.

Known for her outlandish predictions and quotes that teeter between bizarre and brilliant, she’s the seer who sees humor in every harbinger. So, wrap yourself in your most dramatic shawl and join us for a mystical meander through the funniest quotes from and about the one and only Sybill Trelawney! 🎱⚡👓 🔮

  • “You [Trelawney] need your Inner Eye tested, if you ask me.” – Ron Weasley
  • “No more pretending we care what happens when Jupiter and Uranus get too friendly…” – Harry Potter
  • “They see the Grim and die of fright. The Grim’s not an omen, it’s the cause of death! And Harry’s still with us because he’s not stupid enough to see one and think, right, well, I’d better kick the bucket then!” – Hermione Granger
  • Hermione: “I think Divination seems very woolly…A lot of guesswork, if you ask me.”
    Ron: “There was nothing woolly about the Grim in that cup!”
    Hermione: “You didn’t seem quite so confident when you were telling Harry it was a sheep!”
  • Trelawney said that people born in July were in great danger of sudden, violent deaths…Harry said, “Well, that’s good…just as long as it’s not drawn-out. I don’t want to suffer.” – Professor Trelawney
  • “So, you’re gonna suffer, but you’re gonna be happy about it.” – Ron Weasley
  • “My dear, you have the Grim.” – Professor Trelawney
  • “My dear, from the first moment you stepped foot in my class, I sensed that you did not possess the proper spirit for the noble art of Divination.” – Professor Trelawney
  • “You may be young, but your heart is as shriveled as an old maid’s, your soul as dry as the pages of the books to which you so desperately cleave.” – Professor Trelawney
  • “I don’t need help…It’s obvious what this means. There’s going to be loads of fog tonight.” – Ron Weasley
  • “You should know, Potter, that Sibyll Trelawney has predicted the death of one student a year since she arrived at this school. None of them has died yet. Seeing death omens is her favorite way of greeting a new class. If it were not for the fact that I never speak ill of my colleagues[…] Divination is one of the most imprecise branches of magic. I shall not conceal from you that I have very little patience with it. True Seers are very rare, and Professor Trelawney . . . […] You look in excellent health to me, Potter, so you will excuse me if I don’t let you off homework today. I assure you that if you die, you need not hand it in.” – Professor McGonagall
  • “Have I said something?” – Professor Trelawney
  • “That brings [Trelawney’s] total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay raise…” – Albus Dumbledore
  • “So, you’re gonna suffer, but you’re gonna be happy about it.” – Ron Weasley
  • “Broaden your minds. Use your inner eye to see the future!” – Hermione Granger
  • Trelawney said that people born in July were in great danger of sudden, violent deaths…Harry said, “Well, that’s good…just as long as it’s not drawn-out. I don’t want to suffer.”
  • Hermione: “You seem to be drowning twice…”
    Ron: “Oh am I? I’d better change one of them to getting trampled by a rampaging hippogriff.”
    Hermione: “Don’t you think it’s a bit obvious you’ve made these up?”
  • [Regarding Trelawney’s sacking] “You didn’t realize this was coming? Incapable though you are of predicting even tomorrow’s weather, you must surely have realized that your pitiful performance during my inspections, and lack of any improvement, would make it inevitable you would be sacked?”
  • “You know, I really hate children.”

Our peculiar pilgrimage through the prophetic punchlines of Professor Sybill Trelawney comes to an end. Her wonderfully weird words and hilariously hazy forecasts remind us that even the most mystical minds have a funny bone. Keep your Inner Eye open and your sense of humor sharp—because with Trelawney around, laughter is always in the stars! I see in your future fits of laughter and a stitch in your side because we aren’t done with Harry Potter Funny Quotes yet! 👓 🔮🍵

Wow I Wonder What It Would Be Like To Have A Difficult Life
Wow I Wonder What It Would Be Like To Have A Difficult Life

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Mad-Eye Moody

Wands at the ready! Welcome to the madcap world of Mad-Eye Moody, where vigilance is constant and humor is as unpredictable as a rogue bludger! Fasten your seatbelts on those broomsticks, because we’re brewing a crazy mad potion in a cauldron bubbling with Harry Potter funny quotes from everyone’s favorite paranoid Auror. Get ready to laugh until you feel like you’ve swallowed a puking pastille! 🕵🤪👁😡

  • Moody: “For everyone who’s never taken Polyjuice Potion before, fair warning…it tastes like goblin piss.”
    Fred: “Have loads of experiences with that, have you?
  • “Alastair Moody – Ex-auror, ministry malcontent, and your new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. I am here because Dumbledore asked me. End of story, goodbye, the end. Any Questions?”
  • “You need to know what you’re up against. You need to be prepared. You need to find another place to put your chewing gum besides the underside of your desk, Mr. Finnigan!”
  • “I’ll teach you to curse someone when their back is turned…you stinky…cowardly….”
  • McGonagall: “Is that a student?”
    Moody: “Technically, it’s a ferret.”
  • “I could tell you stories about your father that would curl even your greasy hair, boy!”
  • McGonagall: “I’m sure I told you that we never use transfiguration as a punishment.”
    Moody: “You might have mentioned it.”
    McGonagall: “You’d do well to remember it.”
    [Moody sticks tongue out at McGonagall’s back]
  • “Padfoot, are you barking mad? You’ll blow the entire operation?”
  • “He’s absolutely gorgeous, now let’s get undercover before someone murders him.”

And there you have it, my constant-vigilance comrades—a Forbidden Forest of Mad-Eye Moody’s funniest and most grizzled gems! Keep these quotes handy for those moments when you need a laugh as sharp as Moody’s magical eye and a reminder to always keep your wits about you. Remember, even in the darkest of times, a bit of humor and a dose of constant vigilance can get you through. 🤪👁😡

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Professor Quirrell

Prepare to stutter and snicker your way through the zany world of Professor Quirrell! Yes, the very same professor who taught Defense Against the Dark Arts with a turban full of surprises. Despite his nervous demeanor and a rather unusual head accessory, Quirrell has given us some hilariously memorable moments. 👳🏻🪞💀

  • “TROLL IN THE DUNGEON! TROLL…IN THE DUNGEON…thought you ought to know…” – Professor Quirrell
  • “Perhaps you ought to go…[The Troll] might wake up…ooh! ah!”
  • “Yes, he does seem the type, doesn’t he? Next to him, who would suspect, poor, stuttering Professor Quirrell?”
  • “No, dear boy, I tried to kill you!”
  • “He doesn’t understand – I’m never alone. Never.”
  • “Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!” – Harry Potter

And there you have it, my daring quirky quip-collectors – Harry Potter funny quotes from Professor Quirrell that remind us even the most timid of teachers can have their moments of hilarity. Keep these quotes close for a giggle or a guffaw, especially when you need a little laughter to ward off the darkness. 👳🏻🪞💀

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Rubeus Hagrid

Grab your dragon-hide gloves and prepare for a wild romp through the Forbidden Forest, because we’re about to explore the uproarious and heartwarming world of Harry Potter funny quotes from Rubeus Hagrid! This half-giant with a heart the size of a dragon and a penchant for magical mishaps has given us some of the funniest and most endearing moments at Hogwarts.

From his love for misunderstood creatures to his giant-sized gaffes, Hagrid’s quotes are a treasure trove of laughter. So, mount your Thestrals and join the fun as we dive into the funniest quotes from the one and only Hagrid! 🧔🛖🌂

  • “Dry up, Dursley, you great prune…”
  • “I got somethin’ for ya. Afraid I might have sat on it at one point, but I imagine it’ll taste fine, just the same. Baked it myself, words and all.”
  • Dursley: “I will not pay to have a crackpot old fool teach him magic tricks!”
    Hagrid: “Never. Insult. Albus Dumbledore in front of me.” [Gives Dudley a pig’s tail]
  • “I shouldn’t have said that. I should. not. have. said. that…”
  • “Another Weasley, eh? […] I spent half me life chasin’ yer twin brothers away from the forest.”
  • “Ah, bless him. Look, he knows his Mummy! Hello, Norbert!”
  • “Norbert’s gone. Dumbledore sent him off to Romania to live in a colony…What if he don’t like Romania? What if the other dragons are mean to him? He’s only a baby, after all…He’s got lots o’ rats an’ some brandy fer the journey. An’ I’ve packed his teddy bear in case he gets lonely.”
  • “Never try an’ get a straight answer out of a centaur. Ruddy stargazers. Not interested in anythin’ closer’n the moon.”
  • “The trick with any beast is to know how to calm him. Take Fluffy, for example…just play him a bit of music and he’s straight asleep…I shouldn’t have told you that…”
  • “If that dolt of a cousin of yours, Dudley, gives you any grief, you could always threaten him with a nice pair of ears to go with that tail of his.”
  • Harry: “But, Hagrid, we’re not allowed to use magic outside of school. You know that.” Hagrid: “I do, but your cousin don’t, do he?”
  • Hagrid: “You’re a mess, Harry. Skulking around Knockturn Alley? Dodgy place. Don’t want people to see you there. People will think you’re up to no good.” Harry: I was lost, I – hang on – what were you doing down there then?” Hagrid: “I was looking for flesh-eating slug repellent. They’re ruining all the school cabbages.”
  • “Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that — no Malfoy’s worth listenin’ ter — bad blood, that’s what it is…”
  • “Better out than in. Get ’em all up, Ron.”
  • “Gotta bone ter pick with yeh. I’ve heard you’ve bin givin’ out signed photos. How come I haven’t got one?”
  • “If anybody was looking for some stuff, then all they’d have to do would be to follow the spiders. Yep, that would lead them right. That’s all I have to say.”
  • “Just stroke the spine, of course…goodness me.”
  • “Yeh’ll do wha’ yer told, or I’ll be takin’ a leaf outta Professor Moody’s book…I hear yeh made a good ferret, Malfoy.”
  • “Tiny little bloke, my dad was. By the time I was six I could lift him up an’ put him on top o’ the dresser if he annoyed me. Used ter make him laugh…”
  • “Biggest bunch of misfits I ever set me eyes on. Suppose you remind me of meself a little…and here we are, four years later.”
  • “Never known kids like you three fer knowin’ more’n yeh oughta. An’ I’m not complimentin’ yeh, neither. Nosy, some’d call it. Interferin’.”
  • “Dumbledore sent me to parlay with the giants…they’re not that hard to find, to be perfectly honest. They’re so big, you see?”
  • “He’s [Grawp] completely harmless…little high-spirited is all.”

And there you have it, magical mischief-makers! A rollicking ride through the uproariously endearing world of Rubeus Hagrid – a true Dragonheart. His bumbling charm and giant heart make every moment a magical adventure. Let’s continue our foray into Hogwarts hilarity so, keep your rock cakes ready and your Blast-Ended Skrewts safely contained, as every day is a new magical escapade!🪄💫🔮

Sign Up For The Chamber of Secret Quotes By Clicking On The Photo!
Sign Up For The Chamber of Secret Quotes By Clicking On The Photo!

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Professor Umbridge

Brace yourselves as we tiptoe into the world of pink cardigans, sugary smiles, and an unhealthy obsession with rules—yes, it’s time for the peculiar, and oddly amusing Harry Potter funny quotes from the one and only Professor Dolores Umbridge! 🐸😡🎀

Whether she’s clashing with students or doling out decrees, Umbridge’s attempts at maintaining order often result in unintentional hilarity. Let’s practice our quotes in a “Safe and secure way…” into the overly prim and proper, yet strangely funny world of our least favorite, toad-like professor. Ready for a laugh? Let’s proceed (safely…)📚🚧🔶

  • “How nice to see your bright faces, shining up at me. I’m sure we’re all going to be very good friends.” – Dolores Umbridge
  • “Progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged. Let us preserve what must be preserved, perfect what can be perfected, and prune practices that ought to be prohibited.”
  • “Study hard and you will be rewarded. Fail to do so and the consequences may be severe.”
  • Umbridge: “Who do you think would attack innocent children – such as yourself?” Harry: “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe Lord Voldemort?”
  • “I want you to write: ‘I must not tell lies’…for as long as it takes to sink in.”
  • “So silly of me, but it sounds like you’re questioning my authority in my own classroom.” McGonagall: “Not at all, Dolores, merely your medieval methods.”
  • “I am a tolerant woman, but the one thing I will not stand for is disloyalty.”
  • “Things at Hogwarts are far worse than I feared.”
  • Umbridge: “You applied, first, for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, is that correct?” Snape: “Yes.” Umbridge: “But you were unsuccessful?” Snape: “Obviously…”
  • Umbridge: “Can you predict something for me…one teensy little prophecy?” Trelawney: “Oh, wait, wait, I see something dark…you…are in grave danger!” Umbridge: “Lovely.”
  • “As gamekeeper, fresh air must be difficult to come by.”
  • “I’ll make short work of this. Bombarda Maxima! (In a sweet voice)”
  • “Now enough! I will. Have. Order.”

And there you have it, my rule-bending renegades—a collection of Professor Umbridge’s funniest, most cringe-worthy Harry Potter funny quotes that show even the strictest of enforcers can provide a good laugh. Keep these gems in your back pocket for when you need a chuckle, or a reminder of how not to run a classroom. Use the image below to help make your Instagram feed as delightfully odd as an Umbridge-approved Educational Decree! 🎓📚 📘

Harry Potter Funny quotes from and About Madame Pomfrey

Prepare your bandages and brew up some Pepperup Potion, because we’re about to step into the wonderfully weird world of Hogwarts’ resident healer, Madame Pomfrey! With her no-nonsense attitude and a knack for mending everything from broken bones to botched spells, Pomfrey’s quotes are a perfect mix of stern hilarity and unexpected wisdom. So, fluff your pillows and grab a spoonful of Skele-Gro as we dive into the funniest and quirkiest quotes from and about the magical matron of the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey! 💉👩‍⚕️😷

  • “He’s faking it…Madam Pomfrey can mend anything. She regrew half my bones last year. Trust Malfoy to milk it for all it’s worth.” – Harry Potter
  • “What do you think you’re doing, you filthy little beasts?” – Madame Pomfrey
  • “You’re in a hospital bed, aren’t you? And you’ll stay there until I say you can leave.”
  • “Well, he should have been brought straight to me!”
  • “This boy needs rest, he’s got thirty-three bones to regrow!”
  • “Out! OUT! Everyone OUT!”
  • “If I had a Sickle for every time I’ve had to patch up one of you…”
  • “I don’t care if your head is hanging off, you wait your turn!”
  • “Honestly, it’s a wonder any of you manage to stay out of my hospital wing for more than a week!”

And there you have it, my potion-brewing pals—a collection of Madame Pomfrey’s funniest moments that prove even the most serious healers can laugh. Keep these quotes at hand for when you need a dose of humor or a reminder that even in the toughest times, a little laughter is the best medicine. Until our next whimsical adventure, may your ailments be few, your laughs be plenty, and your Instagram feed be as magical and mirthful as a day in the Hogwarts hospital wing!⚕️🏥

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Professor Sprout

So, my fellow green-thumbed wizards and witches, are you ready to dig into some dirt and laugh until your sides ache? We’re heading into the magical greenhouse of Professor Pomona Sprout, where the plants are as quirky as the professor herself!

Whether she’s coaxing a Mandrake out of its pot or cracking jokes about dragon dung, Professor Sprout’s unique blend of humor and horticulture is sure to sprout a smile on your face. So, put on your dragon-hide gloves and prepare for a journey through the Harry Potter funny quotes of our favorite Herbology professor! 🌿💐🌳

  • Professor Sprout: “Huh. Longbottom’s been neglecting his earmuffs…”
    Seamus: “No, Ma’am, he’s just fainted.”
    Sprout: “Yeah, well…just leave him there.”
  • “Oh, there’s no need to be scared of them! Just a firm hand’s what they need— you show them, Longbottom!”
  • “A badger’s got nothing on a Mandrake, and a Mandrake’s nothing compared to a Hungarian Horntail.”
  • “Don’t be daft, boy, you won’t be needing earmuffs for this.”
  • “I’ve got a fourth-year Hufflepuff whose two front teeth are now twice as long as they should be, thanks to a bite from a Venomous Tentacula. Make sure you handle them properly!”
  • “I always say that you can judge a person by the way they treat their plants.”
  • “If you think mandrakes are dangerous, wait till you meet my aunt Mildred!”
  • “A little bit of dragon dung goes a long way, in more ways than one!”

And there you have it, my plant-loving pals—a delightful bouquet of Harry Potter funny quotes from Professor Sprout that are sure to brighten even the gloomiest of days. Remember, just like Professor Sprout’s beloved plants, laughter can help us grow in the most magical ways. 🌱🪴

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Professor Gilderoy Lockhart

Prepare yourselves for a jaunt through the mirror-filled chambers of Lockhart’s ego! From enchanting charm spells to meticulous hair-care routines, Lockhart’s self-admiration is as renowned as his magical misadventures. So, grab your hairbrushes and autograph books, because we’re about to slide into the most spellbinding quotes that pay homage to Lockhart’s favorite topic: himself! 5️⃣✖🏆😁

  • “Nice big smile, Harry. Together, you and I rate the front page.” – Professor Lockheart
  • “It’s amazing the way he can walk and talk at the same time, isn’t it?” – Hermione Granger
  • “Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking! ‘It’s all right for him, he’s an internationally famous wizard already!’ But when I was twelve, I was just as much of a nobody as you are now. In fact, I’d say I was even more of a nobody! I mean, a few people have heard of you, haven’t they? All that business with He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named! […] I know, I know — it’s not quite as good as winning Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming-Smile Award five times in a row, as I have — but it’s a start, Harry, it’s a start.” – Professor Lockheart
  • “Let me introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher: Me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third class; honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five-times winner of Witch Weekly’s Most-Charming Smile Award.”
  • “I didn’t get rid of the Bandon Banshee by smiling at him.” [Poses with a ridiculous grin.]
  • “Now, be warned. It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind. You may find yourself facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. I must ask you not to scream. You might PROVOKE THEM!”
  • “Peskipiksi Persernomi! [Spell does nothing] I’ll ask you three to just nip the rest of them back in their cage…[runs off]”
  • “Fame is a fickle friend…Celebrity is as celebrity does. Remember that.”
  • “Harry, Harry, Harry, can you possible imagine a better way to serve detention than by helping me to answer my fan mail?”
  • “Ah, thought so. So unlucky I wasn’t there. I know exactly the countercurse that could’ve spared her.”
  • “In light of the dark events of recent weeks, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start the little Deuling Club to train you all up in case you all ever need to defend yourselves…as I myself have done on countless occasions. For full details, see my published works. [GRINS]”
  • “Now, I don’t want you all to worry. You’ll still have your Potions master when I’m through with him. Never fear.”
  • “Excellent idea to show them that, Professor Snape, but if you don’t mind me saying, it was pretty obvious what you were about to do and if I had wanted to stop you, it would have been only too easy.”
  • Books can be misleading.”
  • “My boy, use your common sense! My books wouldn’t have sold half as well if people didn’t think I’d done those things.”
  • “The adventure ends here, boys…but don’t fret. The world will know our story…How I was too late to save the girl…How you two tragically lost your minds at the sight of her mangled body…you first, Mr. Potter. Say ‘goodbye’ to your memories.”
  • “Who are you…and um, who am I?”
  • “Am I a professor? Goodness. I expect I was hopeless, was I?”
  • “Amazing! Amazing! This is just like magic!”
4 Who am I
Who Am I? Gilderoy Lockhart

Lockhart definitely wasn’t very well-loved, as evidenced by this conversation:

Hermione: “Do you think [Lockhart’s] all right?”
Ron: “Who cares?”

Ron definitely hit the patch on the wizard hat with these: “Lockhart’ll sign anything if it stands still long enough.” and “Is Lockhart the smarmiest bloke you’ve ever met, or what?”

Well, we’ve made it through the laughter of Lockhart with our memories intact, right? I’m not talking about how we always forget where we put things for “safe-keeping”. If you know who you are, I say you are having a good day. So when you get mad because you can’t remember where you set your car keys down, just remember that at least you know who you are and what you do for a living! 🗝️🐦‍🔥

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Horace Slughorn

Grab your finest phoenix-feather quill and prepare for a potion of pure hilarity, as we take a Floo Powder spin into the grate of the zany, zesty world of Horace Slughorn! This dapper Potions Master is as famous for his quirky quips as he is for his exquisite taste in crystallized pineapple.🍍

Whether he’s hosting a bonkers bash for the Slug Club or dropping names faster than a rogue Niffler, Slughorn’s offbeat humor will leave you spellbound. So, don your craziest hat and join the fun as we uncover the wackiest, most wonderful quotes from Horace Slughorn! 🛋️🎓👴🏻

  • Albus: “I must say you make a very convincing armchair, Horace!”
    Horace: “It’s all in the upholstery. I come by the stuffing naturally.”
  • “You can only say no to these people [Death Eaters] so many times.”
  • Albus: “I must say you make a very convincing armchair, Horace!”
    Horace: “It’s all in the upholstery. I come by the stuffing naturally.”
  • “These are mad times we live in! Mad!”
  • “Amortentia doesn’t create actual love…that would be impossible, but it does cause a powerful infatuation or obsession…and for that reason, it is probably the most dangerous potion in this room.”
  • “It’s perfect! So perfect, I daresay one drop would kill us all!”
  • “The Three Broomsticks and I go way back, further than I care to admit. I can remember when it was One Broomstick!”
  • “Good to see you, Wallenby.”
  • Harry: “Sorry, sir. I should have announced myself. Cleared my throat….coughed…You probably feared I was Professor Sprout.” Slughorn: “Yes, I actually did. What makes you say that?” Harry: “Well, just the general behavior, sir…sneaking around…jumping when you saw me…”
  • Slughorn: “Is that an actual acromantula?” Harry: “A dead one, I think, sir.” Slughorn: “Dear fellow, however did you [Hagrid] manage to kill it?” Hagrid: “Kill it? Me oldest friend, he was. Slughorn: “I’m so sorry, I was only…” Hagrid: “Oh, don’t worry yourself, you’re not alone. Seriously misunderstood creatures, spiders are. It’s the eye’s, I reckon. They unnerve some folk.” Harry: “Not to mention the pincers…” [as he makes motions with fingers and clicking sound]
  • “Farewell, Aragog, king of the arachnids. Your body will decay, but your spirit lingers on…your human friends find solace in the loss they have sustained.” [Hagrid blubbering the entire way through]
  • “That’s life, I suppose…you go along and suddenly…POOF!”💨

And that’s the end of our bubbly brew of Harry Potter funny quotes in the realm of Slughorn’s silliest sayings! From his potion-perfect parties to his whimsical words of wisdom, Horace Slughorn proves that laughter truly is the best elixir. Until our next magical misadventure, keep your cauldrons bubbling and your jokes even bubblier—because in Slughorn’s world, a good laugh is worth more than a Galleon!🪙💰💸

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Filch

Hold onto your broomsticks and dust off those old detention slips, because we’re about to delve into the hilariously grumpy world of Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris! Hogwarts’ resident caretaker may be as prickly as a Puffskein with a bad haircut, but his cantankerous quips and wacky ways never fail to amuse.

From chasing down rule-breakers to mumbling about mischief-makers, Filch’s grumpy-gold one-liners are the stuff of legend. So, polish your Sneakoscopes and prepare for a laugh riot with the funniest Harry Potter funny quotes from the one and only Mr. Filch! 😡🐈⛓🚫🪄

  • “A pity they let the old punishments die. Was a time detention would find you hanging by your thumbs in the dungeons. God, I miss the screaming.”
  • “Oh, there’s more than Werewolves in there…you can be sure of that…nighty night.”
  • “Students these days, always leaving behind a trail of mischief like breadcrumbs. Well, I’ll show them! Just wait until I unleash Mrs. Norris!”
  • “Cleaning up after these pesky students is like trying to polish a broomstick in a thunderstorm. Impossible!”
  • “You think you can outsmart old Filch, do you? Think again! Mrs. Norris has eyes everywhere, and they’re all trained on you!”
  • “Well take a good look, lads, this night might well be the last you spend in this castle.”
  • “Filthy, rotten little criminals!”
  • “Mrs. Norris? You’ve murdered my cat! I’ll kill you…I’ll kill you!”
  • “I’ll have you out of here, peeling pickled toads for a month!”
  • “You’ll not go wandering the corridors at night, you’ll go straight to bed!”
  • “I’ll have you whipped, I will, Filch, for letting this student wander around on his own!”
  • “Famous for the wrong reasons, that’s what you’ll be!”
  • “Out of my sight, you miserable creatures!”
  • Filch: “Students out of bed! Students out of bed! Students in the corridor!” McGonagall: “They are supposed to be out of bed, you blithering idiot!” Filch: “Oh…”

And there you have it, my fellow wand-wavers and mischief-makers—a rollicking romp through the spellbinding world of Hogwarts’ professors! These Harry Potter funny quotes remind us that even the most esteemed educators have a streak of sarcasm (my favorite kind of humor).

So until our next class is in session, keep your cauldrons bubbling and boiling over with laughter. May your days be as bewitchingly funny as our Hogwarts professors’ quotes! Accio chuckles! 🧙‍♂️🎩🤣

God, I miss the screaming - Argus Filch
2 May 26 HP History

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the Sorting Hat

Gather ’round, curious witches and wizards, for a truly bizarre treat awaits! We’re about to unravel the enigmatic and oddly amusing world of none other than the Sorting Hat itself! With its ancient wisdom and penchant for poetry, this sentient piece of headwear is more than just a fashion statement—it’s a font of fantastic Harry Potter funny quotes. So, strap on your Sorting Hat replicas and get ready for a whimsical journey through the most peculiar and hilarious utterances from Hogwarts’ most talkative headgear! 🪄🎩

  • “Ah, another year, another batch of fresh-faced students waiting to be sorted. Let’s hope none of them are allergic to feathers!”
  • “Ha! Another Weasley…I know just what to do with you…”
  • “You know, being a hat isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I mean, have you ever tried finding a good hairstylist when you’re constantly being worn on someone’s head?”
  • “Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin… sometimes I wonder if I should have been a stand-up comedian instead of a sorting hat!”
  • “Bee in your bonnet, Potter?”
  • “I once sorted a student who was so indecisive, I considered giving them a hat of their own just to make up their mind.”
  • “Ah, yes, another year of whispers and secrets. If only I could gossip like the paintings, I’d be the talk of the castle!”
  • “You think it’s easy being the one to decide your fate? Try having hundreds of voices arguing in your head all at once! It’s like hosting a never-ending dinner party.”
  • “You know you’re getting old when you start forgetting which house you just sorted someone into. Gryffindor or Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw or Slytherin? It’s all a blur!”
  • “Remember, kids, it’s not the house you’re sorted into that defines you—it’s the amount of mischief you can manage while wearing me on your head!”

And with that, dear witches and wizards, our peculiar plunge into the whimsical world of the Sorting Hat comes to a close. From its cryptic rhymes to its unexpected wit, this hat certainly knows how to keep us entertained. Until our next peculiar escapade, keep your heads—and hats—held high, and remember: whether Gryffindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw, or Hufflepuff, there’s magic in every stitch and laughter in every rhyme! 🦁🐍🦅🦡

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the Hogwarts Ghosts

Prepare to be tickled pink, or should I say, transparent, as we delve into the mischievous musings and haunting hilarity of the Hogwarts ghosts! From Nearly Headless Nick’s unfortunate predicament to Moaning Myrtle’s perpetual pout, these specters may not have a corporeal form, but they certainly have a knack for conjuring up laughter.

So grab your ectoplasmic popcorn and get ready to cackle like a banshee as we head to the nearest deathday party to unearth the funniest Harry Potter quotes from the ghostly inhabitants of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. First, I’d love to know the answer to Harry’s question, though: “Can you taste it if you walk through it?” Here are some more funny Harry Potter quotes involving ghosts:👻

  • Nearly Headless Nick (Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington): 🪓🙆💀🎂
    • “[Summer was] Dismal. once again my request to join the Headless Hunt has been denied.” – Sir Nicholas
    • Ron: “I know you. You’re Nearly Headless Nick!”
      Nick: “I prefer Sir Nicholas, if you don’t mind…”
    • Hermione: “Nearly headless? How can someone be nearly headless?”
      Nick: “Like this…”
    • “A deathday party? I bet there aren’t many living people who can say they’ve been to one of those — it’ll be fascinating!” – Hermione Granger
    • “Oh, I would never dream of assuming I know all Hogwarts secrets. Only a truly arrogant person would believe that. Speaking of which, have I told you about the time I nearly became the Headless Hunt’s honorary head?”
    • “Half an inch of skin and sinew holding my neck on, Harry! Most people would think that’s good and beheaded, but oh, no, it’s not enough for Sir Properly Decapitated-Podmore.”
  • The Fat Friar: 💀🍟👻
    • “Ah, Peeves, my dear boy! Terribly sorry about the ‘dunking in the toilet’ incident. Let me make it up to you with some ghostly pranks!”
    • “They say laughter is the best medicine. Well, as a ghost, I’ve found it to be the best afterlife entertainment!”
  • The Grey Lady (Helena Ravenclaw): 🩶👩👻
    • “Oh, you think you’re the only one with a Ravenclaw wit? Please, I’ve been outsmarting students for centuries.”
    • “I must say, I quite enjoy being the mysterious ghost that everyone whispers about. It adds a certain flair to the whole haunting experience.”
  • The Bloody Baron: 🩸♥︎⛓🏰👻
    • “Moaning Myrtle, dear, please stop following me around. I appreciate the attention, but I do have a reputation to maintain.”
    • “Yes, I may be a ghost covered in bloodstains, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have standards. Have you seen the state of my dungeons lately?”
    • “Peeves…the Bloody Baron has his own reasons for being invisible.” – Harry Potter
  • Moaning Myrtle: 🛁🚽👻
    • “I’m Moaning Myrtle. I wouldn’t expect you to know me. Who would ever talk about ugly, miserable, moping Moaning Myrtle?”
    • “I was just sitting in the U-bend, thinking about death…and [the book] fell through the top of my head. [Wailing and moaning]”
    • “Let’s all throw books at Myrtle because she can’t feel it! Ten points if you can get it through her stomach! Fifty points if it goes through her head! Well, ha, ha, ha! What a lovely game, I don’t think!”
    • “Oh, don’t mind me, just haunting the toilets as usual. It’s not like I have anything better to do.”
    • “Oh, no, Peeves, don’t tell her what I said, she’ll be really upseT…I didn’t mean it, I don’t mind her — er, hello, Myrtle.” – Hermione Granger
    • “What d’you [Moaning Myrtle] do, sneak up here in the evenings to watch the prefects take baths?” – Harry Potter
    • “Being a ghost might have its perks, but let me tell you, it’s hard to enjoy a good cry when you’re transparent.”
    • “Oh, Harry? If you die down there, you’re welcome to share my toilet.”
    • “You’re alive,” [Moaning Myrtle] said blankly to Harry. “There’s no need to sound so disappointed,” he said grimly, wiping flecks of blood and slime off his glasses.”
  • Peeves: 💀 🤡
    • “Wandering around at midnight, ickle firsties? Tut, tut, tut. Naughty, naughty, you’ll get caughty.” – Peeves
    • Oh, Potter, you rotter, oh, what have you done,
      You’re killing off students, you think it’s good fun — 
    • “Oh, most think he’s barking, the potty wee lad, but some are more kindly and think he’s just sad, but Peevesy knows better and says that he’s mad.”
    • “We did it, we bashed them, wee Potter’s the one / And Voldy’s gone moldy, so now let’s have fun!” —Peeves the poltergeist, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Ron sums up Peeves’ post–Voldemort defeat victory song the best: “Really gives a feeling for the scope and tragedy of the thing, doesn’t it?”
  • The Fat Lady: 🍨👵🖼️
    • “It was the Fat Lady who drank a vat of five-hundred-year-old wine, Harry, not me.” – Hermione Granger

The best quote comes from Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone between Peeves and Filch:

“Which way did they go, Peeves?” Filch was saying. “Quick, tell me.”
“Say ‘please.'”
“Don’t mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?”
“Shan’t say nothing if you don’t say please,” said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice.
“All right- PLEASE.”
“NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn’t say nothing if you didn’t say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!” And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.”

And with that, fellow apparitions and flesh-bound friends, we bid farewell to our laughter-filled romp through the spectral shenanigans of the Hogwarts ghosts! These ghostly Harry Potter funny quotes remind us that even in the afterlife, a good sense of humor is essential. So until next time, may your ectoplasm be ecstatic and your chains clank with joyous laughter! Farewell, and may your haunting endeavors be endlessly amusing!

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Other Harry Potter Characters

It’s time to dust off those spellbooks and apparate into the magical realm of Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the unsung heroes and quirky characters from the Harry Potter movies (and books!). These characters may not always steal the spotlight, but their hilarious moments are worth a Remembrall! So let’s take our magical creatures on a walk – from the Sorcerer’s Stone to the Deathly Hallows. Every person and animal should enjoy some sass, snark, and belly laughs. ⚯ ⏃ ͛ ➒3/4

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Lucius Malfoy

Step into the whimsically wicked world of Lucius Malfoy, where even his sneers have a hint of humor. Though known for his icy demeanor, Lucius occasionally graces us with unintentionally funny remarks that are as amusing as they are arrogant. Let’s go to Malfoy Manor, where even the darkest wizards have their moments of levity! 🧙‍♂️ 🪄💀

  • “Now, now, Draco, play nicely.”
  • “Your scar is legend, as is the wizard who gave it to you.”
  • “Let me see…Red hair, vacant expressions…tatty, secondhand book. You must be the Weasleys.”
  • “What’s the use in being a disgrace to the name of wizard, if they don’t even pay you well for it?”
  • “Associating with Muggles…and I thought your family could sink no lower.”
  • “I take absolutely no pleasure being inside your…you call this a house?”
  • “I’m afraid we [Hogwarts governors ] feel you’ve [Dumbledore] rather lost your touch. Well, what wiith all these attacks…there’ll be no Muggle-borns left at Hogwarts. I can only imagine what an awful loss that would be to th e school.”
  • “Your parents were meddlesome fools, too. Mark my words, Potter. One day you are going to meet the same sicky end.”
  • “Don’t boast, Draco. There’s no need with these people.”

And there you have it, my fellow wizards and witches—a glimpse into the unexpected humor of Lucius Malfoy, proving that even the most haughty pure-bloods can’t resist a bit of wit. 🐍🧑🏼🪄

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Kingsley Shacklebolt

Prepare to have your wands at the ready for some spellbinding laughter, as we enter into the unexpectedly humorous side of Kingsley Shacklebolt, the formidable Auror and Order of the Phoenix member! Behind his stoic exterior lies witty quips and sly remarks that are sure to charm even the most serious of wizards. 👑🛷 ⛓⚡️

  • “Whoa, well, you might not like him, Minister, but you can’t deny…Dumbledore has got style.” – Kingsley Shacklebolt
  • “If you’re going to be caught, it’s best to be caught in the act!”
  • “We may have lost a couple of days’ progress. Not important in the greater scheme.”
  • “It’s all right, I’m highly efficient, and that’s all anyone needs to know.”
  • “Constant vigilance, as Mad-Eye would say.”

And there you have it, my magical comrades—a collection of Kingsley Shacklebolt’s funniest quotes that prove even the most serious of Aurors can have a sense of humor as sharp as a Nimbus 2000. May your spells be as successful as Kingsley’s undercover missions. 🪄🕵⚡

Harry Potter Funny quotes from Cornelius Fudge

Get ready to chuckle your way through the not-so-serious side of Cornelius Fudge, the Minister for Magic himself! While he may not be known for his comedic timing, a few of his statements might just conjure up a giggle or two. So, grab your Floo powder and prepare for a lighthearted journey through some unexpected laughs from the Ministry’s top man! 🎩 🪄

  • “It’s my duty to inform you that your aunt was located a little south of Sheffield, circling a chimney stack…she has been properly punctured and her memory modified…no harm done.” – Cornelius Fudge
  • “We don’t send people to Azkaban for blowing up their Aunt.”
  • “I’m sorry to interrupt what I’m sure would have been a very well-rehearsed story…”

And there you have it, my fellow wizards and witches—a glimpse into the lighter side of Cornelius Fudge, where even the Minister for Magic can’t help but bring a smile to our faces.

And there you have it, my fellow magical merrymakers—a whimsical collection of Harry Potter funny quotes from some of the lesser-known but equally delightful characters in the wizarding world. Remember, in the world of Harry Potter, even the most obscure characters have their moments to shine.🎩🪄🍫

Harry Potter Funny quotes: The Dursley Family

Greetings, magical misfits and mundane muggles! Prepare to embark on a bizarre journey into the hilariously horrid household of the Dursleys! Grab your Dudley-approved snacks and your Aunt Petunia-inspired cleaning supplies, because we’re about to dive into the most chuckle-worthy quotes from Harry’s favorite Muggle nemeses. Buckle up and hold onto your brooms—this is going to be one weird and wonderful ride through Number 4, Privet Drive! ️# 🔢 ♾️

I know what day it is,” Dudley repeated, coming right up to him. “Well done,” said Harry. “So you’ve finally learned the days of the week.”

  • “Fine day, Sunday. In my opinion, best day of the week…No post on Sunday! No sir, not one, blasted…miserable…” – Vernon Dursley
  • “I was the only one to see [Lily] for what she was…a freak…I knew you would be just the same. Just as strange, just as abnormal…then she went and got herself blown up…” – Petunia Dursley
  • “Who’d want to be friends with you?” – Dudley Dursley
  • “Funny way to get to a wizards’ school, the train. Magic carpets all got punctures, have they?” – Vernon Dursley
  • “We’ve raised you since you were a baby, given you the food off our table…even let you have Dudley’s second bedroom, purely out of the goodness of our hearts.” – Vernon Dursley
  • “Don’t mind that. It’s just the cat” – Vernon Dursley
  • “You ruined the punchline of my Japanese Golfer Joke.” – Vernon Dursley
  • “I’m so sorry. It’s my nephew. He’s very disturbed. Meeting strangers upsets him. That’s why I kept him upstairs.” – Uncle Vernon
  • “You and that bloody pigeon aren’t going anywhere!” – Uncle Vernon
  • “Is that my Dudders? Is that my little neffy-pooh? Give us a kiss!” – Aunt Marge
  • “Do you want to try a drop of brandy? A little drop of brandy, brandy windy-wandy for Rippy-pippy-pooh?” – Aunt Marge
  • “What are you smirking at?” – Aunt Marge
  • “He’d have been straight to an orphanage if he’d been dumped on my doorstep, Vernon.” – Aunt Marge
  • “I won’t have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. A good thrashing is what’s needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. Have you been beaten often?” Harry: “Oh yeah, loads of times.”
  • “St. Brutus’ – it’s a fine institution for hopeless cases.” – Uncle Vernon
  • “Do they use a cane at St. Brutus’, boy?” – Aunt Marge
  • “If there’s something wrong with the bitch, then something’s wrong with the pup.” – Aunt Marge
  • “You bring her back! You bring her back right now – you put her right!” – Uncle Vernon
  • “How long have you been ‘Big D’…Cool name…But you’ll always be Ickle Diddykins to me.” – Harry Potter
  • “[Dudley] You can’t give a dementor the old one-two.” – Harry Potter
  • “Where is your mum, Potter? Is she dead?” – Dudley Dursley
  • “Happy, are we, now, eh? You’ve finally done it. You’ve finally driven him loopy.” – Uncle Vernon
  • “Look at him, Petunia. Our boy has gone yumpy.” – Uncle Vernon
  • “[The Dursleys] must be bad if you prefer this place.” – Sirius Black
  • “That’s where you’re going! A special school for freaks. You and that Snape boy… weirdos, that’s what you two are. It’s good that you’re being separated from normal people. It’s for our safety.” – Petunia Dursley

And there you have it, delightful denizens of the wizarding world! Our peculiar peek into the Dursleys’ domain has come to a close. As you disapparate back to your own magical abodes, remember to NOT sprinkle a little Vernon absurdity and Dudley humor into your day. Keep your eyes peeled for more spellbinding silliness and, as always, watch out for any stray Howlers! Until next time, stay magical, stay quirky, and keep that muggle madness at bay! Ta-ta for now! 🥃👵🏼 ➡️🎈

“I won’t have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. A good thrashing is what’s needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. Have you been beaten often?” ~ Aunt Marge
Namby Pamby Aunt Marge

As we bid adieu to our magical journey through the witty and whimsical world of Harry Potter Funny Quotes from the unsung heroes and quirky characters, let’s remember to keep the laughter echoing through the halls of Hogwarts and beyond! From Harry Potter books like The Chamber of Secrets to The Half-Blood Prince, we’ve chuckled alongside characters big and small, human and creature alike.

So as we close this chapter, let’s raise our wands to the joy of sass, snark, and belly laughs, ensuring that every person and magical creature continues to enjoy their whimsical adventures in the wizarding world. May the magic of laughter always illuminate our path! 🪄✨

Miscellaneous Harry Potter Funny Quotes

Greetings, fellow witches and wizards, and welcome to the whimsical wonderland of miscellaneous Harry Potter funny quotes! Prepare to whisk off on a magical journey through the lesser-explored corners of Hogwarts, where even the most obscure characters and moments hide a spark of humor. From the quirky quips of background witches and wizards to the unexpected hilarity of magical creatures, these quotes are sure to cast a spell of laughter over your day. 🧙‍♀️🪄🧙‍♂️

  • “Pet peeves should be kept on a leash.” – Daniel Thompson
  • “It’ll be down to you, Harry, to show them that a Seeker has to have something more than a rich father. Get to that Snitch before Malfoy or die trying, Harry.” – Oliver Wood
  • “It looks like he’s eating her face, doesn’t it? But I suppose he’s got to refine his technique somehow. Good game, Harry.” – Ginny Weasley
  • “Welcome to the Knight Bus, emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard.” – Stan Shunpike
  • “What you fall over for?”- Stan Shunpike
  • “Take her away, Ern.” – Stan Shunpike
  • “Yeah, take her away. It’s going to be a bumpy ride…” – Dre Head
  • “The Leaky Cauldron. If you have pea soup, make sure you eat it before it eats you!” – Dre Head
  • “Muggles, they don’t see nothing, do they? But, if you jab them with a fork, they feel.” – Dre Head
  • “Ernie, little old lady at 12 O’Clock!” – Dre Head
  • “Hey guys – Guys, why the long faces? Ha ha ha haaaa!” – Dre Head
  • “Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom…” – Monster Book of Monsters
  • Shrunken Heads: “No underage wizards allowed in today. Shut the damn door.”
    Hermione: “So rude.”
    Ron: “Thick heads.”
    Shrunken Heads: “Thick? How dare they! Who are they calling that? Young Whippersnappers!”
  • “Total shambles, as per usual, eh?” – Amos Diggory
  • “Professor Dumbly-dorr…” – Madame Maxime
  • “Exploding Snap’s got nothing to do with Defense Against the Dark Arts, Professor! That’s not information relating to your subject!” – Lee Jordan
  • Muggle Prime Minister: “But for heaven’s sake — you’re wizards! You can do magic! Surely you can sort out — well — anything!” Rufus Scrimgeour: “The trouble is, the other side can do magic too, Prime Minister.” – Rufus Scrimgeour
  • “I’m no thief! I’m a purveyor of rare and wondrous objects!” – Mundungus Fletcher
  • “Dobby never meant to kill! Dobby only meant to maim, or seriously injure!” —Dobby
  • “Such a beautiful place to be with friends. Dobby is happy to be with his friend, Harry Potter.” – Dobby

And there you have it, my enchanting companions—a delightful mishmash of laughter and levity from the myriad corners of the wizarding world. Harry Potter funny quotes are the best for when you need a bit of magic to brighten your day. Remember, in the realm of Harry Potter, even the smallest chuckle can vanquish the Dark Mood, LOL. 🪄💫

Harry Potter Funny Quotes About Magical Creatures

Prepare to venture into the Forbidden Forest of hilarity as we explore the whimsical world of Harry Potter funny quotes about magical creatures! From mischievous Nifflers to majestic Hippogriffs, these quotes are as peculiar and unpredictable as the creatures they describe. So, grab best bowtruckle impression, because we’re about to walk into the Dark Forest through the wild and wonderful world of magical creatures! 🐦‍🔥🐲🦄

  • “Sorry I’m late. The owl that delivered my release papers got all lost and confused. Some ruddy bird called Errol.” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “Hedwig…you’re going to have to clear off for a week. Go with Errol. Ron’ll look after you. I’ll write him a note, explaining. And don’t look at me like that…” – Harry Potter
  • “Poor Crookshanks, that witch said he’d been in there for ages; no one wanted him.” – Hermione Granger
  • “I accidentally sent a Python after my cousin, Dudley, once, at the zoo.” – Harry Potter
  • “I bet he thought Aragog wouldn’t hurt friends of his.” – Harry Potter
  • “Oh, how silly we’ve all been!” Malfoy sneered. “We should have stroked them! Why didn’t we guess!”
    “I – I thought they were funny,” Hagrid said uncertainly to Hermione.
    “Oh, tremendously funny!” said Malfoy. “Really witty, giving us books that try and rip our hands off!”
  • “This is very easy…knew it must have been, if Potter could do it…I bet you’re not dangerous at all, are you?[…] Are you, you great ugly brute?” – Draco Malfoy
  • “You know [Crookshanks], I reckon Ron was right about you…There are plenty of mice around this place — go and chase them. Go on…Leave Scabbers alone.” – Harry Potter
  • “But Professor Lupin…Scabbers can’t be Pettigrew…it just can’t be true, you know it can’t…” – Ron Weasley
  • “Come on, Ron, you were always saying how boring Scabbers was…and he’s been off-color for ages, he was wasting away. It was probably better for him to snuff it quickly — one swallow — he probably didn’t feel a thing.” – Fred Weasley
  • “Keep that bloody beast of yours away from Scabbers, or I’ll turn him into a tea cozy!” – Ron Weasley
  • “A cat? Is that what they told you? He looks more like a pig with hair, if you ask me.” – Ron Weasley
  • “That’s rich, coming from the owner of that smelly old shoe brush.” – Hermione Granger
  • “Crookshanks, just ignore the mean little boy.” – Hermione Granger
  • Hermione: “Egyptians used to worship cats”
    Ron: “Yeah, along with the dung beetle.”
  • Hermione: “Crookshanks doesn’t understand it’s wrong! All cats chase rats, Ron!”
    Ron: “There’s something funny about that animal! It heard me say that Scabbers was in my bag!”
    Hermione: “Oh, what rubbish…Crookshanks could smell him, Ron, how else d’you think…”
  • “Our Care of Magical Creatures professor has decided to retire in order to spend more time with his remaining limbs.” – Dumbledore
  • “You do not want to insult a Hippogriff. It may be the last thing you ever do.” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “It’s killed me! It killed me…you and your bloody chicken!” – Draco Malfoy
  • “I couldn’ leave [Buckbeak] tied up out there in the snow! All on his own! At Christmas.” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “Yeh don’ know them gargoyles at the Committee fer the Dis– posal o’ Dangerous Creatures! They’ve got it in fer interestin’ creatures!” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • Hermione: “I think you owe someone an apology.”
    Ron: “Next time I see Crookshanks, I’ll let him know.”
    Hermione: “I meant me!”
  • “Ah, well, people can be a bit stupid abou’ their pets.” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “Harry, it’s a trap…he’s the dog…he’s an animagus.” – Ron Weasley
  • “Curiously long life for a common garden rat…he’s missing a toe, isn’t he?” – Sirius Black
  • “If you made a better rat than a human, it’s not much to boast about, Peter.” – Sirius Black
  • “Normally, I have a very sweet disposition as a dog…the tail I could live with, but the fleas, they’re murder.” – Sirius Black
  • “Nice doggy. Nice doggy.” – Ron Weasley
  • Fudge: “We must search the grounds.” [for Buckbeak]
    Dumbledore: “Well, search the skies if you must, minister. Meanwhile, I’d like a nice cup of tea or a large brandy.”
  • “Oh, executioner, your services are no longer required.” – Albus Dumbledore
Ah Well people can be a bit stupid abou' their pets - Rubeus Hagrid with Norbert, Hedwig, Scabbers, and Crookshanks
Ah Well People Can Be A Bit Stupid Abou’ Their Pets
  • “Come on, Buckbeak. Come and get the nice dead ferret. Come on, Beaky!” – Hermione Granger
  • “Dragon blood’s amazingly magical, but you wouldn’t want a dragon for a pet, would you?” – Hermione Granger
  • “Its proper name is Pigwidgeon.” – Ginny Weasley
  • “But you know, Monsieur Hagrid, they [horses] drink only single-malt whiskey.” – Madame Maxine
  • “Talented, isn’t she? What should I have her do next? Jump out the window? Drown herself?” – Professor Moody
  • “I’m not an owl!” – Hermione Granger
  • “Dragons are seriously misunderstood creatures.” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “Not spew…It’s S-P-E-W. Stands for the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.” – Hermione Granger
  • “It’s a shame you had to see [Fawkes] on a Burning Day.” – Albus Dumbledore
  • “Be’er wait fer the Slytherins, they won’ want ter miss this — Blast– Ended Skrewts!” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “Who wouldn’t want pets that can burn, sting, and bite all at once?” – Draco Malfoy
  • “Take this thing for a walk…And where exactly are we supposed to fix the leash? Around the sting, the blasting end, or the sucker?” – Draco Malfoy
  • “I had [Aragog] from an egg, you see. When he hatched, he was no bigger than a Pekinese. A Pekinese, mind you…” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “Worrying about poor ‘ickle goblins, now, are you? Thinking of starting up S.P.U.G. or something? Society for the Protection of Ugly Goblins?” – Ron Weasley
  • “You have no business here, Centaur. As creatures of near-human intelligence…how dare you…filthy half-breed.” – Dolores Umbridge
  • “He’s lovely. They’ve been known to sing on Boxing Day, you know.” – Luna Lovegood
  • Ginny: “What’s a Wrackspurt?” Luna: “They’re invisible creatures. They float in your ears and make your brain go fuzzy.”
  • “Goblins aren’t exactly fluffy little bunnies, though, are they?” – Ron Weasley
  • “I said I’d get you in…I didn’t say anything about getting you out!” – Griphook
  • “You sound like Hagrid. It’s a dragon, Hermione, it can look after itself. It’s us we need to worry about.” – Ron Weasley
  • “But I was like that when Bane found me. Talking to me. Oh, of course, Bane didn’t like it, did he? He’s a right old misery, isn’t he?” – Firenze

And there you have it, my fellow magical adventurers—a delightful menagerie of Harry Potter funny quotes that remind us even the most mythical of creatures have a sense of humor. You never know when you need a giggle or a reminder of the magical wonders that await us all. Until our paths cross again in the Forbidden Forest 🌲💀🕷 or the depths of the Black Lake, 🧜‍♀️🌌🧜‍♂️ may your encounters with magical creatures be as delightful as a conversation with a chatty Kneazle.

Harry Potter Funny Quotes from Significant Moments and Events

Prepare your broomsticks for a flight through the twisted and topsy-turvy world of Harry Potter funny quotes during the most significant moments—but with a humorous twist! From the chaos of the Triwizard Tournament to the Yule Ball belly laughs, these funny quotes will have you snorting pumpkin juice out of your nose faster than you can say “Riddikulus!” So grab your giggling potion and hold on tight, because we’re about to fall headfirst into a cauldron of giggle potion! 🤣🍯😂

Harry Potter Funny Quotes About Quidditch

Prepare to soar to new comedic heights as we delve into the hilarious world of Harry Potter funny quotes about Quidditch! From the blunders of Bludgers to the whimsical wisdom of Quidditch commentators, these quotes are sure to have you laughing harder than a Snitch evading capture. So grab your broomsticks and strap on your goggles, because we’re about to take a laughter-filled journey through the ups and downs of everyone’s favorite wizarding sport! 🌕🎙️🏆

  • “He’s only silent because he’s too thick to string two words together…I don’t know why you’re worried, Oliver, Hufflepuff is a pushover. Last time we played them, Harry caught the Snitch in about five minutes, remember?” – Fred Weasley
  • “JORDAN! ARE YOU BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE FIREBOLTS? GET ON WITH THE COMMENTARY!” – Professor McGonagall
  • “[Oliver is] Still in the showers…We think he’s trying to drown himself.” – Fred Weasley
  • THIRTY-ZERO! TAKE THAT, YOU DIRTY, CHEATING —”
    “Jordan, if you can’t commentate in an unbiased way — !”
    “I’m telling it like it is, Professor!” – Lee Jordan
  • “And it’s Johnson — Johnson with the Quaffle, what a player that girl is, I’ve been saying it for years but she still won’t go out with me —” – Lee Jordan
  • “Weasley can save anything,
    He never leaves a single ring,
    That’s why Gryffindors all sing:
    Weasley is our King.” —The Gryffindors
  • “I’m telling you, it’s spooky. This is the third time I’ve come across a broken mirror when I’ve been on my own this week. [Harry: So what?] Don’t you see? D’you think it’s unlucky?” – Ron Weasley
  • “Honestly, Ronald, it’s bad enough that you get hit by Bludgers during Quidditch matches. We don’t need you getting tangled in the goal nets, too.” – Hermione Granger
  • “The game of Quidditch is supposed to be about skill, precision, and strategy—not about crashing into the Whomping Willow at high speeds, Potter!” – Professor McGonagall
  • “Personally, I think it was a bit of a laugh. I mean, a tree, you know?” – Ron Weasley
  • “And the Quaffle is taken immediately by Angelina Johnson of Gryffindor—what an excellent Chaser that girl is, and rather attractive, too—” – Lee Jordan

And there you have it, my fellow Quidditch enthusiasts—a belly-laugh-inducing collection of funny quotes that capture the quirky charm of our beloved sport. May your Quaffles always find the hoop, your Bludgers behave themselves, and your Instagram feed be as thrilling as a match-winning Snitch catch! 🧹🎙️🏆

Harry Potter Funny Quotes: The Triwizard Tournament

Hold onto your wands and buckle up your broomsticks, because we’re about to embark on a whimsically weird journey through Harry Potter funny quotes from the Triwizard Tournament! From the hair-raising challenges to the unexpected mishaps, these quotes are sure to have you cackling like a cauldron full of giggling potion. So grab your golden eggs and your Gillyweed, because it’s time to step into the chaos of the Triwizard Tournament like never before! 🏆🔥🧉

  • “It’s you we don’t know. What quirks lurk beneath those rosy cheeks? What mysteries do the muscles mask? Does courage lie beneath those curls? In short, what makes a champion tick? Me, Myself, and I want to know, not to mention my rabid readers. So, who’s feeling up to sharing?” – Rita Skeeter
  • Rita: “This is cozy.”
    Harry: “It’s a broom cupboard.”
    Rita: “You should feel right at home, then.”
  • “Do you think it was the trauma of your past that made you so keen to enter such a dangerous tournament?” – Rita Skeeter
  • “Everyone loves a rebel, Harry.” – Rita Skeeter
  • “Your attitude shows, at best, a pathological need for attention. At worst, a psychotic death wish.” – Rita Skeeter
  • “Hey! My eyes aren’t glistening with the ghosts of my past.” – Harry Potter
  • “Is that a flower? Hagrid, have you combed your hair?” – Harry Potter
  • “Viktor? Hasn’t he asked you to call him Vicky yet?” – Ron Weasley
  • “Miss Delacour is as much a fairy princess as I am.” – Professor Moody
  • “He’s not even good-looking! They only like him because he’s famous! They wouldn’t look twice at him if he couldn’t do that Wonky– Faint thing …” – Hermione Granger
  • “Oh no, he’s back again, why can’t he read on his stupid ship? […] Come on, Harry, we’ll go back to the common room…his fan club’ll be here in a moment, twittering away…” – Hermione Granger
  • Hermione: “The key is to concentrate. After that you just have to…”
    Harry: “Battle a dragon.”
  • Harry: “Who could have possibly figured all that out? It’s completely mental.”
    Hermione: “Boys.”
  • “Miss Granger, a plain, but ambitious girl, seems to be developing a taste for famous wizards. Her latest prey…is none other than the Bulgarian bonbon, Viktor Krum. No word on how Harry Potter is taking this latest blow.” – Rita Skeeter
  • “Oh I see,…So basically, you’re going to take the best-looking girl who’ll have you, even if she’s completely horrible?” – Hermione Granger
  • “Got your autograph books? Better get a signature now, because I doubt he’s going to be around much longer…Half the Triwizard champions have died…how long d’you reckon you’re going to last, Potter? Ten minutes into the first task’s my bet.” – Draco Malfoy
  • “I must be out of my mind…definitely out of my mind.” – Harry Potter
  • Hermione: “Of course, the ideal solution would be for you to Transfigure yourself into a submarine or something…if only we’d done human Transfiguration already! But I don’t think we start that until sixth year, and it can go badly wrong if you don’t know what you’re doing…”
    Harry: “Yeah, I don’t fancy walking around with a periscope sticking out of my head…I s’pose I could always attack someone in front of Moody; he might do it for me…”
    Hermione: “I don’t think he’d let you choose what you wanted to be turned into, though…”
  • “I [Krum] vant to know, vot there is between you and Hermy-own-ninny.” – Krum
  • “Oh my God, I’ve killed Harry Potter!” – Neville Longbottom
  • “It is agreed to award him second place – for outstanding moral fiber.” – Albus Dumbledore
  • “Right on, all that moral fiber, eh? It’s great. Moral fiber. Blimey, even when you go wrong, it turns out all right. Yeah, well done, moral fiber.” Fred & George Weasley
  • Cedric: “You know, for a moment there, I thought you were going to let it get me.”
    Harry: “For a moment, so did I.”
    Cedric: “Some game, huh?”

And there you have it, my magical mischief-makers—a delightfully bizarre collection of Harry Potter funny quotes that capture the Triwizard Tournament. Competition can bring out the best in people, but the humor needs to be there, too. Don’t forget to train your funny bone while getting ready to compete in any area! 🏆🔥✨

Outstanding Moral Fiber Video Clip

Harry Potter Funny Quotes: the Yule Ball

Prepare to twirl into a world of whimsy and wizardry as we uncover the most uproariously Harry Potter funny quotes from the enchanting Yule Ball! From fashion faux pas to awkward encounters, the Yule Ball is hilarity just waiting to be unveiled. So grab your dress robes and dancing shoes, because we’re about to waltz our way through the laughter-filled festivities of the Yule Ball like never before! 🎶💃🏰

  • “Why do they [girls] have to travel in packs? How are you supposed to get one on their own to ask them?” – Harry Potter
  • Hermione: “It might interest you to know that Neville’s already got someone.”
    Ron: “Ugh. Now I’m really depressed.”
  • “I won’t be goin g alone, because, believe it or not, someone’s asked me…and I said yes!” – Hermione Granger
  • “Just because it’s taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one else has spotted I’m a girl!” – Hermione Granger
  • “Wangoballwime?” – Harry Potter
  • “I’ve always liked looking at them from behind…you know how I like it when they walk.” – Ron Weasley
  • Padma: “Is that Hermione Granger, with Viktor Krum?”
    Ron: “No. No. Absolutely not.””I look like my Great Aunt Tessie…I smell like my Great Aunt Tessie…murder me, Harry” – Ron Weasley
  • “Move like a hairy troll. Learning to rock and roll. Spin around like a crazy elf, dancing by himself. Boogie down like a unicorn. No stopping ’til the break of dawn. Now put your hands up in the air, like an ogre who just don’t care. Oh, can you dance like a hippogriff? Mama-ma mama-ma mama-ma.” – Weird Sisters
  • “No we’d not care to join you and Viktor…Hes’s a Durmstrang…You’re fraternizing with the enemy.” – Ron Weasley
  • “The enemy? Who was it wanting his autograph?” – Hermione Granger
  • “Don’t be so stupid! The enemy! Honestly — who was the one who was all excited when they saw him arrive? Who was the one who wanted his autograph? Who’s got a model of him up in their dormitory?” – Hermione Granger
  • “I think he’s got a bit more than friendship on his mind.” – Ron Weasley
  • Ron: “I doubt it. He’s way too old.”
    Hermione: “What?! So that’s what you think?”
    Ron: “Yeah, that’s what I think.”
    Hermione: “Well, you know the solution, then, don’t you?”
    Ron: “Go on.”
    Hermione: Next time there’s a ball, pluck up the courage and ask me before somebody else does…and not as a last resort!”
    Ron: “Well, that’s completely besides the…I mean, that’s just completely off the point…”
  • “They get scary when they get older.” – Ron Weasley
  • “Ron, you spoiled everything!” – Hermione Granger
  • “I just got in. Me! [humming waltz]” – Neville Longbottom
  • “Viktor’s more of a physical being…I just mean he’s not particularly loquacious. Mostly he just watches me study…bit annoying, really” – Hermione Granger
  • Hermione: “Her-my-oh-nee.”
    Krum: “Herm-own-ninny.”
    Hermione: “Close enough.”
  • “I consider [Madame Maxime] to be a very able headmistress – and an excellent dancer.” ~ Albus Dumbledore

And there you have it, my fellow dancefloor darlings—a delightfully dotty collection of funny quotes that capture the quirky charm of the Yule Ball. When you are getting ready for a dance remember that even the most magical evenings can have their comedic mishaps. Until next time, may your waltzes be as graceful as a Veela dance.💃💫

"I've always liked looking at them from behind...you know I like it when they walk." - Ron Weasley
“I’ve always liked looking at them from behind…you know I like it when they walk.” – Ron Weasley

Harry Potter Funny quotes: The Battle of Hogwarts

Get ready to apparate into a realm of hilarity amidst the chaos as we unveil Harry Potter funny quotes from the intense Battle of Hogwarts! From unlikely alliances to unexpected one-liners, this battlefield mayhem has its fair share of comedic relief. So grab your wands and steel yourselves for a laughter-filled journey through the most tumultuous moments of the Wizarding War! ⚔️🪄🛡️

  • Filch: “Students out of bed! Students out of bed! Students in the corridor!” McGonagall: “They are supposed to be out of bed, you blithering idiot!” Filch: “Oh…”
  • McGonagall: “Would you please lead the Slytherin students out of the hall?” Filch: “Exactly where is it I’ll be leading them to, ma’am?” McGonagall: “The dungeons would do.”
  • Neville: “Let me get this straight, professor, you are actually giving us permission to do this?” McGonagall: “That is correct, Longbottom.” Neville: “To blow it up? BOOM!” McGonagall: “BOOM!” Neville: “Wicked! How on earth are we gonna do that?” McGonagall: “Why don’t you confer with Mr. Finnigan? As I recall, he has a particular proclivity for pyrotechnics.”
  • Seamus: “I can bring it down!” McGonagall: “Now, that’s the sprit! Off you go!”
  • “His name is Voldemort, Filius. You might as well use it. He’s going to try to kill you either way.” – Minerva McGonagall
  • “Piertotem Locomotor! Hogwarts is threatened! Man the boundaries! Protect us! Do your duty to our school. I’ve always wanted to use that spell!” – Professor McGonagall
  • “Harry Potter! You listen to me right now!” – Luna Lovegood
  • “Blimey, Harry, this is it, eh? Time ter fight?” – Rubeus Hagrid
  • “I’ve never Stunned anyone except in our D.A. lessons…That was noisier than I thought it would be.” – Luna Lovegood
  • “Luna is kind, unlike so many of the others…” – The Grey Lady
  • “It’s here, in the castle, in the place where everything is hidden. If you have to ask, you will never know. If you know, you need only ask.” – Helena Ravenclaw
  • “Yeah? You and whose army?” – Neville Longbottom
  • “Coward! COWARD!” – Professor McGonagall
  • Harry: “Are you and Ginny alright?”
    Neville: “Yeah, never better! I feel like I could spit fire! Have you seen Luna? I’m mad for her! I think it’s about time I told her, since we’ll probably both be dead by dawn!”
  • [Draco tries to kill Hermione] “Ahhhhhh! That’s my girlfriend, you numpties!” – Ron Weasley
  • Harry: “We can’t leave them! [Draco, Crabbe & Goyle]”
    Ron: “He’s kidding, right? If we die for them, Harry, I’m going to kill you!”
  • “This is, as they say, ‘your party’.” – Albus Dumbledore
  • Dumbledore: “I think, if you so desired, you’d be able to board a train.”
    Harry: “And where would it take me?”
    Dumbledore: “Ah…On…”
  • “I’ve always prized myself in my ability to turn a phrase. Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic…capable of both infliction injury and remedying it.” – Albus Dumbledore
  • Harry: “Professor, my mother’s Patronus was a doe, wasn’t it? The same as Professor Snape’s. It’s curious, don’t you think?”
    Dumbledore: “Actually, if I think about it, it doesn’t seem curious at all…”
  • “I’ll join you when hell freezes over…Dumbledore’s Army!” – Neville Longbottom
  • “Blimey, Neville, there’s a time and a place for getting a smart mouth.” – Ron Weasley
  • “Not my daughter, you bitch!” – Molly Weasley
  • “Come on, Tom. Let’s finish this the way we started it – Together.” – Harry Potter

And there you have it, my fellow wizards and witches—a downright ridiculous collection of Harry Potter funny quotes that’ll have you rolling on the floor laughing like a Niffler on a golden feather duster! When you need a dose of magical madness or a reminder that even the most significant moments in the wizarding world have their silly side, pull these golden gems 💎 out (but watch for that Niffler!) May your spells be as wonky as a Weasley invention, and your adventures be as wild as a hippogriff chase.

Harry Potter Funny quotes from and About Lord Voldemort

Grab your Horcrux-hunting gear and brace yourselves for the darkly humorous side of the wizarding world’s most feared villain! Yes, we’re talking about Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord himself. Despite his sinister demeanor and terrifying reputation, Voldemort’s quotes can sometimes be so over-the-top that they circle back to being hilariously memorable. So, clutch your wands tight and get ready for a sinisterly silly Finite Incantatem through the funniest quotes from and about the one and only Lord Voldemort! 📷🗿💀

  • “There is no good and evil, there is only power and those too weak to seek it.” – Lord Voldemort
  • “Avada Kedavra!”
  • “You see what I have become. What I must do to survive. I have become a mere parasite.”
  • “Monsters don’t make good pets, Hagrid.” – Tom Riddle
  • “Thirteen years it’s been and yet, here you stand before me, as if it were only yesterday. I consider myself…disappointed…not one of you tried to find me.” – Lord Voldemort
  • “Harry Potter has kindly joined us for my rebirthing party. One might go so far as to call him my guest of honor.”
  • “Come on now, Harry, the niceties must be observed. Dumbledore wouldn’t want you to forget your manners, would he?”
  • “Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies.”
  • “Luck and chance, those wreckers of all but the best-laid plans.”
  • “What say you, Draco? Will you babysit the cubs?”

And there you have it, brave souls and giggling Death Eaters! Our twisted trek through the darkly delightful quotes of the Dark Lord is complete. From melodramatic monologues to absurd threats, Voldemort’s words remind us that even the most feared villains can have a bizarrely funny side. Until our next peculiar plunge, keep your wits sharp and your humor sharper—because with Voldemort around it may just be a battle of wits!

Hilarious Harry Potter Funny Quotes And Jokes for Instagram

Prepare for a potion of giggles and a spell of snickers, as we embark on a whimsically wacky journey through the most hilarious Harry Potter funny quotes and jokes for Instagram! Whether you’re looking to enchant your followers with some magical humor or cast a charm of chuckles over your feed, this collection is your Marauder’s Map to laughter. So, grab your Riddikulus keyboard and mystical mouse – get ready to tickle your funny bone with these enchanting quips and jokes straight from the wizarding world!

  • “Who needs the Mirror of Erised when you have Instagram filters?”
  • “If Hogwarts had Wi-Fi, Voldemort would have been defeated in, like, five minutes. #Expelliarmus”
  • “The real magic is trying to explain the plot of Harry Potter to someone who hasn’t read the books or watched the movies.”
  • “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good…especially on Instagram!”
  • “Why did the wizard have to wear glasses? Because he couldn’t spell without them!”
  • “Yer a wizard, Harry. And yer a joke[ster], too!”
  • “Did you hear about the witch who wore an invisibility cloak to the party? She was completely transparent about her intentions!”
  • “Why don’t wizards trust pencils? Because they’re always sketchy!”
  • “I spent all day trying to summon a Patronus, but all I got was a cat video.”
  • “Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you’ll never know which side he’s on.”
  • “Wand-erful things happen when you’re a wizard!”
  • “When life gives you butter, make butterbeer!'”
  • “Not all those who wander are lost. Some are just looking for Platform 9 3/4.”
  • “If you’re ever stuck in a boggart, just Riddikulus your way out!”
  • “Why did Hermione get so many followers? Because she knew how to turn back time!”
  • “Keep calm and pass the Felix Felicis.”
  • “Why don’t wizards use elevators? Because they prefer to take broomsticks for a lift!”
  • “Accio laughter! Because who doesn’t need a good giggle spell?”
  • “Spiders are Riddikulus!”

And there you have it, laughter-loving wizards and witches! A cauldron full of cackles and a broomstick ride of belly laughs, perfect for your Instagram followers. From spellbinding puns to bewitched one-liners, these Harry Potter funnies are sure to keep your followers under a laughter spell. Remember what Remus Lupin said: “It is the quality of one’s convictions that determines success, not the number of followers.” It’s entirely possible though, that with a dash of wizarding wit, every day can be a laughing Lumos!

Funny Harry Potter quotes: JK Rowling’s series Epilogue

  • “Don’t let it worry you. It’s me. I’m extremely famous.” (Epilogue) – Ron Weasley
  • “If you’re not in Gryffindor, we’ll disinherit you, but no pressure.” (Epilogue) – Ron Weasley
  • “Ron, for heaven’s sake…Don’t try to turn them against each other before they’ve even started school!” (Epilogue) – Hermione Granger

As we bid adieu to this whimsical journey through the magical world of Harry Potter funny quotes, let us take a moment to acknowledge the brilliant mind behind it all: J.K. Rowling. Her unparalleled storytelling and masterful character development have not only captured the hearts of millions worldwide but have also brought joy, laughter, and inspiration to generations of readers and fans.

So, here’s to you, J.K. Rowling, for creating a universe where laughter and enchantment abound, and for giving us the gift of Hogwarts, Quidditch, and unforgettable characters who continue to live on in our hearts long after we turn the final page. Until our next adventure in the wizarding world, may your days be filled with magic, mischief, and endless laughter.

Want More Harry Potter Quotes?

If you made it to the end of Harry Potter funny quotes, I applaud you, as this is the length of a good novel (and my longest blog post EVER)., If you haven’t had enough yet, then head on over to 500 Harry Potter Love Quotes: Magical Vows for Wizards because who doesn’t love some romantic quotes; 215 Harry Potter Graduation Quotes: How to Geek Out because every graduate could use some wise words to go into the world with, and 165 Inspiring Harry Potter Quotes: How to be Magical because the more quotes the better, am I right?

If you loved Harry Potter funny quotes and want more Harry Potter posts in general, check out 215 Harry Potter Jokes for Kids You Muggles Will Love because they are pretty awesome jokes and A World of Magic: Longest Harry Potter Books in Order in case any of you don’t recall the order of the books (are there any of you out there?)

Resources

The resources used for Harry Potter funny quotes was Mugglenet.com and various posts on Pinterest, along with my rewatching all of the Harry Potter movies, in order to organize all of the quotes and important dates into an organized Airtable spreadsheet that I am now offering as a freebie for all of my readers.

By signing up, you get access to Marauders Mischier Newsletter and 1 free gift per day for 7 days, too! That’s a week of awesome ready-to-use Instagram posts, quotes galore, new quote post alerts, and weird, quirky FUN!

Connect with others to share every Magical High, Dark Lord Low, and Muggle Moment in between with fantasy & Instagram quotes that you can relate to on a nerdy ‘Magical Me!’ level!


Spread the Love!

Similar Posts

One Comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *